CRUISIN

I've been tired this week. Not really sure why. Robinson has been a restless sleeper lately...more teeth trying to come through and it's rough on the little guy. Which means that I am not sleeping well, but I should be used to no sleep by now, huh?! But the 800 pound gorilla that it's in he room is the memories from last year. This time last year is when I started to feel a little run down, not like myself. My blood pressure was still fine, at the time, so I wasn't too worried, but I just felt like something was off. My face, hands and feet has started swelling and I was feeling weird...

So unbelievable to think that was a year ago...an entire year has almost gone by since Robinson was born (you do realize that our little charmer is 11 months old, right?!) It seems like yesterday to me...the memories are still so vivid. I can still actually smell the hospital and NICU smells. I hear a beep on tv and my mind flashes back to the alarms in the NICU at Robinson's bedside. I guess I'm going to have a lot of these flashbacks within the next month. I think it's probably only natural. Just humor me as I type them out for you leading up to Robinson's big day....I think it helps the healing process of letting people in on what's going on in my thoughts. I know I have not been the best at "sharing my feelings" in my lifetime, but I think that's something that I need to change. I know keeping all of these memories and emotions bottled up can not be good for me...I've already noticed that the past few weeks. I'm a little more anxious; a little more worried about Robinson- over the silliest things...I'm blowing things way out of proportion. And I think it's because this time last year everything was perfect and then it all changed within a blink of an eye...I'm just scared of it happening again.

As far as Robinson is going, he's doing great. He's moving along with his milestones and surprising us every day. He is trying to start to wave, although, I don't think he really gets it yet. He's eating table food a lot better- even feeding puffs and cheerios to himself! He's not liking the baby food anymore, so we are at a crossroads. He's not interested in table food enough, yet, to eat a substantial amount (or it would take us an hour per meal) but he's not really into the baby food anymore either. Any suggestions?? I'm thinking 'it just takes time' is the key and patience is my new friend and enemy!

The title of this post is "Cruisin"...that's because our little man is cruisin all over this house! I really think he is very close to walking and he's pretty fast crawling/cruising. Rian and I are having fun (and getting exhausted) trying to keep up with him. I also wanted to use the title because I feel like we're just cruisin right along...11 months has gone by just like that...it feels way too fast. My 'baby' is starting to look and act like a little boy *sniff* *sniff*

Here are some pictures and videos for your enjoyment-

I've been giving Robinson the spoon at the end of the meal so that he can start to learn to feed himself...I have to hold myself back from wiping him down every second. I guess I need to get used to having a boy, huh?!

Can you believe how tall he is getting? He could barely look over this thing a month ago and now he's head and shoulders above it. OH, and you can see his teeth!

Here's the video of Robinson speed crawling

And here's the video of him cruising down the couch

Randomness

I don't have a central theme for tonight's post. It's going to be a hodgepodge of pictures and random facts of what's going on in the Turner household...

--Robinson has 2 bottom teeth!! Of course, he has YET to let me get a picture of them- stinker, but I will, I promise. We also think that he has two or three top teeth trying to break through, so we shall see. All of this adds up to a very cranky baby boy the last couple of weeks. He's not really sleeping through the night and tossing and turning a lot. Poor baby, but at least we are just getting them all at once instead of going through this misery for months on end.

--Speaking of sleeping. We've had some questions about how the CIO (cry it out) went. Well, to be honest, it lasted 5 minutes. We simply could not do it. It broke our hearts and Robinson was so upset that we just could not make him go through that. We aren't saying it is wrong or that we are judgemental of people who do it. If it works for you, then that's great. It's just not for us or for Robinson. We figured that he'll do it when he's ready. And guess what??? For the past month and half, he's been sleeping in his crib for all of his naps and from 7-11pm every night. No, it's still not ideal, but I think it's great progress and we are so proud of him. It also gives us a little free time at night to catch up on chores, etc. which is helpful

--Eating- eh, it's going. He's down to 3 8 ounce bottles a day. Some days he takes all of them without a problem...some days it's a struggle to get 18-20 ounces in him. We are working on the sippy cup. He'll drink out of it, but not for more than an ounce and then he gets bored with it and throws it on the ground. Not really sure how to remedy that one- again, we'll keep trying it and when he's ready, he'll drink. The table food is going okay...he has been gagging pretty badly, which is a cue that he's not fully ready. This week he seems to be doing much better. We've mastered puffs and cheerios and are working on pasta with meat sauce...chicken and other meats are still not his favorite and he spits them out, but we'll keep trying. Eventually it will click.

--As far as gross and fine motor skills- he's rockin! Our little man is pulling to stand, sitting up on his own, crawling at lightning speeds and.....CRUISING! YES! Robinson can walk the length of the loveseat and switch over to the ottoman if it's close by...I can't believe that he is *this* close to walking! He's also getting much better at the pincer grasp. He will pick up the puffs and Cheerios (the fingers are still a little curled, but he's great at trying)- he's still hesitant to feed himself, though. He picks them up, opens his mouth and then smiles and throws the cheerio on the floor- stinker :)

That is all for now...not too much going on the next couple of weeks. I can't believe that our little man will be 11 months old on the 13th! Time is going by way too quickly...

PICTURES

Bath Time

PJ's on, hair combed and ready for bed (I think he looks a lot like Rian here)At the Pet Adoption Day...I wanted to see how he would react to animals...Obviously, he WAS a big fan- I definitely see a dog in our future

Oh, we had some professional pictures done for Robinson's 9 month bday. Bridgett of Corner.stone in Mobile just shot these casual pics of us one Sunday afternoon..they were taken in April, so as you can see from the pics above, it's amazing how much he's changed in 2 months, but they were just too cute not to share!

How I've Changed Since Becoming a Mother

I don't have any new pictures to share or amazing developmental stories of Robinson to relay, so I thought I would post about a topic that crosses my mind many times during the day...how I've changed since becoming a mother.

1. puke, poop, boogies, urine, etc. no longer gross me out

It's so funny how when you become a mother that in the span of 2o minutes your child can puke on you, get poop all over your hands while simultaneously peeing in your face as you're trying to pick that boogie off the edge of their nose and you somehow do not miss a beat. A year ago, I would've gone running to the shower. Now, I grab a baby wipe- wipe Robinson and myself down and consider it "good enough".

2. I go out of the house without makeup and my hair fixed- simply if it's just to get out of the house.

So, I'll readily admit that I used to be vain enough to not walk out of the house without at least mascara, lip gloss and my hair brushed in a nice sleek ponytail for fear that I would run into someone. Now, I happily throw on my pink Boston bball hat, some yoga pants, a tshirt with not so much as a lip gloss to run to Starbucks, fast food, heck even the gas station or Walgreens for something we need. I find myself saying under my breath "I have an infant; I no longer care what people think of me and I'm now a mother so people no longer care to look at me"

3. I recycle and generally care about the environment

Now I would like to point out that it's not that I thought this was a futile effort before Robinson, but hey, I had more important things on my mind...like where we were going out to eat Friday night and if they had a good wine selection (I was a young girly 20 something- don't judge me). However, this is now the place that my child, my grandchildren, and so forth will have to live and breathe the air. So, we stack up the newspapers and magazines, wash out the plastic, etc. and haul it all over to the recycling drop off since they don't do a neighborhood pick up here- yep, we actually make an effort..

4. Movies, music, quotes that I used to find hilarious, I now find offensive and put "earmuffs" on Robinson even though he has no idea what's going on

I'm just like every other young adult. I've seen every Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller crass perverted movie and have listened to my fair share of rap/hip hop music....but now I find myself going "gasp" and "ooooh" and "I can't believe they just said that" "that is repulsive"...I tell Rian all of the time what we will and will not allow Robinson to see and listen to and how I want to shield him from certain pop culture. Rian rolls his eyes at me and says "he's a guy; he's going to hear it anyway"....well, not from or around his mother he won't

5. I would rather go shopping for Robinson than myself

I honestly used to laugh when I heard mothers say this...I thought to myself that it was a nice thought, but that I'm still going to want to look put together when I have a child. HA, please refer to #2! I would rather buy a cute outfit or toy for Robinson than spend the money on some trendy outfit that, let's face it, will no longer be cool in 6 months because stores no longer have the ability to stock up on classic pieces and everything seems to be trendy lately. And we can state the obvious...I'm too old to look cute and feel ridiculous in some of these clothes...which brings me to:

6. I have that "MOM" feeling of uncoolness

I no longer think that holding a beer bottle or can out in public (or even in my house) for that matter looks okay for me; I no longer think that having more than a couple of drinks is fun- I carefully remind myself how crappy I'll feel the next day and let's face it, hangovers take DAYS to get over after you hit 30! As far as clothes- seriously those short, spaghetti strapped empire waist DRESSES, I'm using as long shirts over jeans right now. Seriously, if I ever have a daughter, you'll be darn sure she's not walking out of my house with something that barely covers her bum (and yes, I call it a bum now). If society wants to discuss why our children are growing up so fast, they might want to take a look at the Juniors section of their local Dillards or aka future hookers/strippers of America line. I seriously can not believe some of the items I see young girls (and women my age trying to be 21) wear- someone should tell them that not showing every ounce of skin can be just as beautiful and sexy...geez, do I sound like a mom or what?!

7. I worry about everything

I've always been a Type A worrier- I'll freely admit that. But now that I'm a mother, I take it to ridiculous extremes. If Robinson doesn't have a good day of eating, I immediately think he won't gain weight and become sickly...if I see a bump on his head- my first thought is tumor- seriously. I check to make sure he's breathing at least 5 times a night. I worry about school shootings and my little man isn't even in preschool. I check the sex offender registry and freak out when I see how close some of them live in reference to my home. I worry about war, violence, the economy from a completely different perspective now. I realize some of these things are UTTERLY ridiculous, but he's my whole world and I just want to protect him and keep him safe even though I know he'll eventually have to stand on his own and I won't be able to hold his hand.

8. I know what it is like to put someone else's needs before mine

The perfect example is my career. Before baby I loved work and loved thinking about my career path. I didn't care if my meeting ran until 8:30pm and I had to be back at 7am the next morning. I thrived under that kind of stress. After baby- I kept thinking of all of the time I was missing with him and that, being a preemie, he needed me. So I gave it all up- just like that. The second example is my physical appearance. You all know that I had my vanity. I worked out, got my highlights, my manicure...I'll admit that I was probably a little high maintenance and thought maybe a little too much about the way I looked and would blow off other things to get that workout in, etc. Now...the little man comes first. If he's fussy and cries when I try to work out- guess what goes? I spread my hair appointments out further because 1. it's expensive (do they use real gold for my golden highlights) and 2. Robinson usually freaks out on Rian every time I go and I feel guilty for leaving them. I still have 25 pounds of baby weight and don't look a thing like old self, but that one little crooked grin makes me really not care and just want some cuddle time with my little man.

9. I don't spend near as much alone time with my husband

This one, I'm not so proud of to be honest with you. Everyone always told Rian and I that the first year of marriage is the hardest. I completely disagree. Our first year of marriage was a blast. We went on trips, went out to great places to eat, hung out with friends, catched the latest movie, etc. We were hardly ever home because we were always on the go. Now, with me not working, we are on a tight budget. Getting take out from Ruby Tuesdays or Moe's is considered going out to eat. Renting a movie that came out a year ago and sits on our coffee table until we find a night that we aren't too exhausted to stay up and watch it is our entertainment. What time we have for conversations almost always revolves around Robinson- how much did he eat today? Did he poop? Did he strain or spit up? Do you think he's teething? blah blah blah I mean, yeah, we'll try to get in a real conversation every now and then, but then someone cries and it's back to business. The first year of having a baby is hard- you have to work at having "us" time and let me tell you, it doesn't come easy or often. I would love to have a real date with my husband, but I would also miss and wonder if my little guy is okay while we were gone. I'm sure that will get better with time, but I do miss my husband. He's a funny, intelligent guy. I know he has more things to talk about rather than our son's poop for the day.

10. Being a mother is the greatest feeling in the world and I wouldn't change a thing.

Of all of the things that I've listed in this post of how I've changed, I will say this- I've changed for the better. Nothing can make you so in love, so selfless and so protective than having a child. Your whole world turns upside down and is shaken. You sometimes lose yourself, lose your 'us', may even lose your body or lose the fun....but that one hug, or gummy smile or if you're lucky enough that little body scooting over to you in the middle of the night so that he can be right next to you, makes your heart melt and keeps your feet steady.

I'm now a mother. I worry, I fret, I over analyze.

I love unconditionally. I protect. I comfort. I keep him safe.

I'm Robinson's mommy.