My Other Family

As many of you are probably aware, especially if you found me via Blogg.er, the online community is really becoming the popular way to meet, whether it is dating, friends or playgroups.

I'll be the first to admit that I was very hesitant about 'meeting' people online.  I guess you could say that I saw one too many Date.lines on tv that warned of killers and such.  And yes, you still have to be very careful and very aware of what you post on the internet. It's not all rainbows, but from time to time you do find the pot of gold at the end of said rainbow.

My pot of gold was a group of women that all had preemies themselves.  I found them on a message board while Robinson was in the NICU.  For the longest time, I just lurked, as they call it.  Just read other people's stories and soaked in all of their knowledge of the NICU, what we might face and I really held on to all of the success stories.  It gave me hope that we would be okay.

Eventually, I started posting as well, slowly introducing myself.  I got to know a core group of them pretty well, and am now part of a private message board with them.  This is a safer place where we can share our blog address and/or pictures and it's password protected so that you feel more isolated from the big brother internet ;)

These women are not just mothers of preemies.  I consider them my friends.  They understand the struggle of having a premature child and losing out on a full, happy pregnancy.  They understand the fear that wells up in your throat when you hear your child cough, because you know a cold is coming.  To most parents, a cold is nothing out of the ordinary.  To preemie parents, it's like a dark cloud that continuously hovers around ready to strike at any moment.  They understand my fear; they share my anxiety.  It's a bond that I don't think I could ever portray in words to make you fully comprehend.

One of the mothers lost her little boy yesterday.  It was just a chest cold, some would say, but as a preemie mom, nothing is ever just a chest cold.  A chest cold turned into low oxygen saturations and an admit to the hospital and his little lungs just never could recover.  He was around 20 months old. 

It's not suppose to be like this.  When they come home from the NICU, you are supposed to be able to breathe a little easier, laugh a little more.  And you do, until you hear that cough and everything can change in an instant.  And yes, this particular little boy had been very sick before, and I just think his poor little body couldn't take anymore.  It's still unfair.  It still goes against nature and everything you hold in your heart.  The loss of a child is something that I feel no parent should have to endure.  My heart is breaking for this family and it's so hard to wrap my brain around this tragedy.  You can't question or ask why, because you'll just become a 'hamster head'.  This is a term I recently heard to describe when your mind just goes in circles of worry and wonder and never finding an answer.  This kind of heartache is one of life's true mysteries.  I know that the Lord has his reasons.  But as a flawed human, it's hard to understand what good could possibly come of making a family suffer like this.  That is why I can't question and have to hold on to my Faith that there IS a very good reason, because God is not cruel and would not endure seeing His children suffer something so unbearable. 

Heaven is truly gaining a little angel.  And this sweet little boy is finally in a place where he can run and play without worrying about wheezing or oxygen saturations or ever being sick again.  Rest peacefully, sweet, sweet JW...

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