I've Created a Monster...

...in a good way! I've taken so many pictures of Robinson that when I got the camera out the other night, he automatically sat down and said "cheese"! LOL......LOOOOOVE it!! Maybe we have a future model, rockstar or actor on our hands, huh?! Or maybe I'm just creating a VERY confident young man that much to his Daddy's cheering will be quite the ladies man ;-)

Happy Holidays!!

This post is mainly going to be pictures, because I know that is what everyone wants to see....and also because we have been SO busy this Holiday season. Back and forth between families has been wonderful, but I am exhausted :) We have 1 more weekend to go and then hopefully we can get back to our weekly routines.

The weekend before Christmas, we took Robinson to see Santa for the 1st time- he wasn't a big fan...he didn't cry, but he looked at us like "who is this funny looking guy and why are you letting him hold me?"

We spent a few days before and Christmas Eve with Rian's family in MS. Here is Robinson with his cousins, Anna Madeline, Mary-Katherine and Turner at Grandma Peggy's house. They are some good looking kids, huh?! :)

Christmas Morning- yay Santa came!!

Love this face!

Reading "Where the Wild Things Are" with Mommy

After we opened presents we went over my Aunt Dorothy's house for brunch with my family

This is typical Mommy and Robinson- rolling on the floor laughing and playing!

Here is Robinson with my cousins children, so I guess they are Robinson's 3rd cousins?? It gets confusing, but I LOVE having a big family!! The kids are so good with Robinson and always play and have fun with him (Carson, Emma, Peyton, Robinson and Preston)

My parents (aka Nanna and Poppa) bought Robinson this huge tent/tunnel playground (that goes in house- lol) and Robinson LOOOOOVES it. Here he is poking his head out of the window to tell me hi!

Part view of the tent/tunnel...I couldn't get all of it in the picture and it takes up most of the living room! haha...I don't care, b/c Robinson has so much fun!

Believe it or not Christmas Day is also....my Birthday!! So, after all of the family festivities, we came home and had cake and ice cream for my birthday. Here is Robinson enjoying some cake.

Robinson and Mommy enjoying some cake

I hope that you all had a very Merry Christmas and will have a Happy New Year!!

Feeling Better...VIDEOS!

Robinson is feeling better. We have stopped the nebulizer treatments, for now. I'm sure that we'll have to go on them again, but let's hope it's not in the near future. He was his usual, happy safe, even with the cold, so that was always a pleasantry. Robinson is just such a happy little boy- except when he doesn't get his own way...imagine that?!

I thought I would share some videos with you tonight so that you can see the little guy in action. It's the busy Holiday Season, and I don't have much time for blogging. However, I couldn't resist posting these for you!

In this video, Robinson is demonstrating his daredevil abilities. He is quite the climber and it's a fun game to him to see how creative he can be getting off of the furniture. This attempt ended successfully- we've had a few that have failed miserably and ended with some cuddles and cries- he's ALL boy!

This is some Daddy love for you. Rian and Robinson play this cat and mouse game every night after dinner. After a spaghetti dinner this particular night, hence the no pants for Robinson. I think the pants got more of the spaghetti than he did. Also, it's the end of the day, so you can see Robinson's collection of toys that he's strewn all over the living room ...haha. I think having a toddler that I have the cleanest house and the dirtiest house I've ever had- all within a matter of hours!

Milestone...and not in a good way!

Robinson had his 1st runny nose this weekend. He was also cutting FOUR teeth, plus his molars, so I was hoping it was all teething related. Yesterday, his nose stopped running and he was running around playing hard and I thought we were out of the woods. This morning, though, he woke up with a cough and sounded very much like Darth Vader. I got a little concerned and my Mommy intuition kicked in and said to take him into the pediatrician.

Dr. M was at the hospital, so we saw one of her colleagues, Dr. L. We loved him and he was great. He looked Robinson over and said he doesn't seem to be wheezing but let's listen to his lungs- sure enough, he was wheezing. He had no fever, was his usual, playful, feisty self so the pedi seems to think it's just a viral cold. He said his lungs sounded great, that he is moving the air fully (or something like that- I was freaking out at this point) and then he brought out the pulse ox machine. To everyone else, this was not a big deal, but to a preemie mom- my hands started shaking and my eyes filled up with tears...I was back in the NICU. For those that don't know, it's a machine that measures their oxygen saturation. When you have a little boy that was on a vent for 4.5 weeks, then a CPAP and and cannula, you KNOW pulse ox numbers and what's good and bad. Fortunately, Robinson's pulse ox was 96...this is good and this is great for him having a cold and wheezing.

We did a nebulizer treatment of albuterol in the office and will have to continue the nebulizer 4x/day and give Robinson a steroid (prednisone) for 5 days...

The nebulizer treatment went over like a turd in punch bowl! haha Robinson of course hated it, because, you have to hold him still- not happening and you have to put a mask on him so that he can breathe in the medicine...I really feel like I could hold my own in the WWE now! hahaha The one tonight went over a little better when we could distract him with TV (shhhh, don't tell!). Earlier in the pedi's office, he stopped wheezing completely after the treatment. He was still a little raspy after the one tonight, but we also couldn't hold him still- he was running all over the place, which doesn't help wheezing...

So, we've hit a milestone- our first cold and our first nebulizer treatment. I'm not going to lie- I would've loved to have waited longer to see these things. However, we are very lucky that Robinson has made it almost 17 months without any illness...he's bigger and stronger now and hopefully will be able to feel better soon.

On a positive note, Robinson was 25 1/2 pounds today- the nurse didn't even believe he was a preemie- she had to check the chart! He's also saying more words. Today he said "froggy" and "monkey"...and when I was trying to arrange his food on his tray, he pushed my hand away and said "i get it"...hahaha ...very cute...of course in typical Robinson fashion, he won't say anything on command. Just says it when he feels like it. You ask him to say something, and he looks at you, laughs...and sometimes even says "nah"....nice, my little sarcastic boy! :)

Hoping our little man feels better soon!!

Someone posted this on a message board that I frequent for preemies. I thought it was a wonderful metaphor and a really great way to explain to people who don't get 'it'. Also, I think it's a wonderful message to us preemie moms to focus on the positive and happy instead of constantly wondering about the "what ifs".

"Welcome to Holland" By Emily Perl Kingsley, 1987. All rights reserved.

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go.

Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.


We can't change the past- we can only look forward!

To Be Thankful...

It would be redundant of me to write an entire post on what I am most thankful for this year. It's pretty obvious in everything I write that I am thankful for my wonderful, healthy son and my family.

This Thanksgiving, though, I was reminded of how thankful I am for having a large, loving extended family. My Dad's side of the family has a reunion every Thanksgiving- has for years, before I was even born. It used to be at my great grandmother's old Southern plantation style house in West Central AL (Boligee). After she passed away in the 80's, it was moved down to the Gulf Coast. There are a number of us that live down here, plus it is a chance for every one else to get a mini vacation. The beach is beautiful in November-the weather is always great and it's a fantastic time. There were about 60 people this year- usually it's closer to 100, but every one is getting older/getting their own extended families so sometimes we have a smaller crowd.

It was special this year, because last year was the 1st time since I was born that I was not able to attend. Robinson had just been out of the NICU a month and it's RSV season. There was no way our pediatrician was clearing us to go down to a house full of people. It was hard staying home, but it was best for the little guy. This year we went and had an absolute blast. I have one of the most amazing families- they have been so supportive of Robinson and had prayer groups all over the Southeast for us. It was so wonderful for us to be able to see all of them and let them meet our little miracle. It was a beautiful milestone and I look forward to many years with all of them!

Here are some pictures from the weekend: Caveat- I won't have any pictures of the above mentioned extended family... as a blogger, I feel a real responsibility to not post pictures of people that I don't have their permission- especially if they have little ones. I feel like it's an invasion of their privacy to post their faces on the world of bloggers/web without them being aware- lol....soooo...it will just be the immediate family. But you can see how happy we are!

Family Picture- Robinson's outfit was so cute. It had smocked turkeys on the jon jon... I got it from windmill kids- they have great smocked outfits for less than $30!

Mommy and Robinson

w/ Nana

Uncle James reading me a story

w/ Uncle James on the beach

w/ Mommy

walking...

w/ Uncle Josh and Aunt Rachelle

He loved walking in the sand

Playing with Mommy on the beach

The Iron Bowl- we are definitely a House Divided!

This picture was taken the week before Thanksgiving, but I thought it was so cute how he fell asleep in the car!

For some perspective: My brother took this picture of Robinson LAST year at Thanksgiving- "we've come a long way, Baby!"

Prematurity Awareness Day

November 17th is designated by the March of Dimes as Prematurity Awareness Day. Preemie moms are asked to blog about their experiences with prematurity and how it has affected our lives.

I had one of the most ideal pregnancies. I suffer from migraines- they were gone, and I had no headaches when I was pregnant. I have horrible acid reflux- ironically, my reflux was also completely gone during pregnancy. At doctor's appointments, my weight gain was ideal, they always found the heartbeat easily and it was strong and my ultrasounds were textbook. My doctor always joked that I was having a very uneventful pregnancy- status quo. At my 24 week appointment, I mentioned to my OB that I suddenly couldn't wear my wedding bands and my face *looked* swollen to me. It was also July in AL..and he said all your labs look great, welcome to being pregnant in the South in the Summer. I laughed and went on my way. 2 weeks later I went back after I got really high blood pressure readings at home. My blood pressure was so high at the doctor's office that they didn't tell me the number for fear of freaking me out. I still had ONLY a trace of protein- the doctor said it was barely a trace. He thought I was having an anxiety attack and just needed to rest so he admitted me for observation. The rest of the details are blurry to me, b/c 1. I don't remember much about the next 3 days and 2. I was kind of in and out. Sometime that evening I was transferred by ambulance to USA Children's and Women's hospital. My pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome had progressed at record speed and USA had a level III NICU....By 1 pm the next day, my organs were failing and I was prepped for an emergency c-section...I was on so much magnesium sulfate to prevent seizures, that I don't remember anything except the feeling that I was about to die- I remember that vividly. The night after I delivered, my sodium levels suddenly dropped and I went back down to labor/delivery so that I could be monitored 24 hours (very much like ICU). I was in the hospital for a week with blood pressures as high as 200/130- it was terrifying. I kept waiting to hear "we've done everything we can."

My husband said that Robinson came out screaming!! A fighter from the beginning. He was technically a 26 weeker but suffered from IUGR, so he was the size of a 24 weeker- 1 pound 7 ounces and 12 inches long- he was known as 'foot long' for a little bit. He was on a cpap for a few hours, but then needed the help of a ventilator. Before Robinson, I did not know ANYTHING about having a preemie. I didn't honestly even know that a baby could survive at 26 weeks- I was very ignorant on the subject. Robinson has taught me a great amount. On his 3rd day of life, Robinson suffered a pulmonary hemorrhage. Many preemies do not recover from this type of injury. They feared that he would have numerous brain bleeds and that there would be permanent damage. Robinson proved them wrong again...he had NO brain bleeds....and the hemorrhage was found to be caused by a very wide open PDA that was not responding to meds. At 4 weeks old, he had heart surgery to ligate the PDA...at 4.5 weeks, our man finally came off of the ventilator and on a CPAP...2 months later, on his due date, he came home.

Robinson has taught me so much. The most important lesson is to never lose faith in God because you never know what he has planned for you. God knew that we were meant to be Robinson's parents and that we could love and care for him and help him in his developmental life journey. We cherish each day with him- yes we have frustrating days, just like any parent, when he won't nap or keeps getting into things he shouldn't...but those days also bring huge smiles to our faces because we GET to HAVE those moments- we are PARENTS!! So, it does make those moments a little more bearable and laughable. He has brought so much joy into our lives and I can't wait to see the boy, the teenager, the man, and ultimately the husband and father he will become.

Having a preemie changes everything about your life. You view everything differently- most importantly you become a germaphobe! You try to protect your child and may be a little on the extreme of over protection. You eventually find a balance and realize that you have to let them live their lives (i.e. I'm finally letting Robinson join Th.eLi.ttle.Gy.m!) There will always be cause for concern- can he handle it? will he get sick? are his lungs strong enough? will he be put in the hospital? It's scary stuff, but it's also wonderful to have him here with us, smiling and laughing. He is such a happy toddler.

As the mother of a preemie, you have some realizations- I will never experience childbirth. If we are fortunate to get the green light to try again for another biological child- I will very likely have another preemie, and most definitely have another c-section. There is no hope for me to go "natural" Most people don't know this about me, but I was *planning* on trying to go natural without an epidural or any drugs....I have a pretty high tolerance for pain (I was at work 2 weeks after my c-section...1 week after my hospital discharge)...I think I'm tough- and I think I could have done it, given the chance. I will never know....

I will not know what it's like to have a true baby shower- we had our shower while Robinson was in the NICU. I barely got to wear my maternity clothes...I didn't have a belly for that long. Heck, I JUST started feeling Robinson kicking before he was born.

And finally, I will never know what it's like to hear my baby cry and hold him/her when they are born. I don't remember Robinson's cry because I was so out of it from the mag/sulfate- I actually passed out during the delivery and didn't come to until recovery...I didn't get to hold Robinson until he was almost 5 weeks old....and for 2 months after that, I was allowed to hold him for about an hour at a time so that his body temp would stay consistent....so if you say Robinson is spoiled because I pick him up every time he so much as wimpers- I don't mind- he and I are still catching up on our snuggle time.

Am I bitter? NO
Am I angry? NO
Am I sad? I was, but I'm not anymore.

I have a stronger faith in God than I have ever had in my life. He felt that I was special enough to get to experience a true miracle- Robinson is truly a miracle. I feel so very blessed and so happy to have him in our lives. He brings meaning to my day and peace and happy dreams to my nights. I am a stronger person for having to endure this journey. Of course, I still have a long way to go-- I have spent so much time focusing on Robinson that I have realized that I need to set a little time a side for me-- I've started working out again, and I'm trying to get myself healthy again. Having a preemie has taught me that not only do I need to rejoice and cherish Robinson's life, but I also need to thank God that I am here on this Earth to experience and see my little man every day. My disease progressed quickly and it has taken me a looooong time to bounce back. I need to make sure that I take care of myself and get in a good place, so that I can be with Robinson and Rian for many, many years to come.

Having a preemie has changed my life- for the better. I am a stronger, more positive person and I cherish each and every day. Although, I would not wish having a preemie on anyone- God trusted us to handle His planned path, and I trust Him to have the strength for tomorrow.


Please visit the March of Dimes web site for more information on Prematurity Awareness Month and what you can do to help ensure that "one day, all babies will be born healthy."

Developmental Appointment

Last week we went to Robinson's Developmental NICU f/u appointment. These appointments are always rather long and tedious. Trying to get a 15 month old to do exactly what you want at that exact time isn't always easy. It's important, though, to talk to the doctors and therapists to make certain that Robinson is not falling behind in any areas. You want to catch these things early, so that you can schedule physical, occupational or speech therapy to help him catch up developmentally.


Our appointment went very well. Robinson was very active and willing to participate. The session itself lasted about 30 minutes, so he was worn out afterwards. The doctor said gross and fine motor skills are still at his actual age of almost 16 months. She said his hand/eye coordination is phenomenal and probably a little ahead of his actual age. She was very impressed that he already colors and knows how to hold a crayon correctly and knows what to do with it. Coloring is one of Robinson's favorite things to do now. He loves to listen to music and color- do we have a future artist on our hands???


She said socially and cognitively he is still ahead of his actual age as well. She said he interacts well, is very curious and tries to figure out how something works, plus, he follows commands extremely well- which as far as speech goes, she said he's doing well also. He's probably somewhere in between his adjusted and actual age on speech, but she said he's so independent that he doesn't have to ask for it- he just does it himself! The doctor was very pleased with him...extremely pleased at his growth and his health...we haven't even had a cold or ear infection yet (BIG KNOCK ON WOOD)!! She wants us to get out more this winter. She said use common sense- don't go where there are a lot of kids, but he needs the stimulation. So, we'll go to the stores and parks when they are less crowded, etc.


We are so proud of Robinson and so thankful and grateful for how blessed we have been throughout this year and a half. We continue to pray for Robinson's health and his growth and development.

Trying some chocolate for the first time- he's still not into sweets- much to his Daddy's disappointment!

Forward Facing in the carseat in Mommy's new car!!

New Haircut- 'drop and give him 20!'

Here is a video of Robinson doing some of his 'tricks'. At 15 months old Robinson is:

*walking/running
*saying dog, duck, mommy, daddy, hey (with meaning)
*copying simple stuff that we do
*on complete table food
*using sippy cups proficiently
*opening/closing doors and turning pages in books by himself
*can open and take and put objects in closed containers
*can stack blocks and other objects
*can ride his fire truck
*and I'm sure a thousand other things that I'm forgetting right now :)

3 Years is a Charm

Tomorrow, Rian and I will celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary!

So much time, for obvious reasons, is devoted to Robinson, and I wanted to set aside a special post to let Rian know how special he is to me as well. He is my rock and my best friend. He makes me laugh...and he listens. He has helped me to be so strong throughout this last tough year, and I look forward to many years to come.


Cheers to Mr. Turner!

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everybody!

Robinson had a great time dressing up and went outside and played in the yard long enough for me to take some pictures. However, he didn't nap well all day because he is cutting his molars and by 6pm he was done! haha We went ahead and took a bath and he was in bed asleep by 7pm. Of course, our first trick or treaters didn't show up until 7:15 (we live in a VERY large neighborhood and we are in the back, so it takes them a while to get to our house). I felt bad that he didn't get to see any of the kids dressed up, but so glad that he cooperated long enough to put his costume on and let Mommy play photographer! Enjoy!! The Holiday Season has begun...YAY!!

Our Little Pumpkin

He is LOVING being outside and running lately- all boy!

Robinson and his Nana

Daddy and Robinson

Isn't he cute?!

We went inside for a little bit because it was so cold here, and Robinson didn't like. Here he is with his Poppa trying to 'pout' to let him back outside!

So...I gave in :)

Robinson and Mommy

that hat cracked us up

Ready to Trick or Treat....maybe next year!