C.R.A.W.L.I.N.G!

I finally got him on video! Now, I know it's not pretty and perfect, but the kid IS moving! He will just get better with practice and he loves that he can get to toys across the floor now. Robinson is really getting more mobile each day. He wanted to stand against the ottoman this morning and I let go of him and he starts trying to cruise down the side of it! He frequently tries to jump out of my arms when I'm holding him and he will NOT sit down and play. He is constantly moving and trying to stand, and therefore tumbling all over the place. He's already hit his head on the entertainment center because he was trying to roll away from me. He has NO fear, which, as a mother, terrifies me, but also make me smile at the same time. I guess I should get used to having a boy, huh?

In other news, we are trying to get out more. Robinson and I went to the Eastern Shore Center on Friday and walked around. He loved Barnes and Nobles and, of course, we had to buy him a new book while we were there. Everyone who saw him 'ooohed and awed' at how cute he is....and I tried to hold myself back from tackling people when they would reach to touch him. Seriously, it's like when total strangers want to rub your belly when you are pregnant. Why do people have NO boundaries when it comes to pregnancy or babies?? I even had his bright red stop sign on his stroller that says "Please Wash Your Hands Before You Touch Mine"...I did get a couple of mothers that commented on how cool the sign was and how they wished they had one for their children. At least some people respected his personal space! I will say, though, that the one cooky lady that did touch him, only touched his feet. I made sure that I needed to adjust his straps so that she couldn't get to his hands. I realize that I'm neurotic and you're more than welcome to laugh, but it seriously freaks me out that people I don't even know feel that it's okay to walk up to you in a store and touch/play with my baby....it equally freaked me out when people would rub my belly while I was pregnant. I must have a thing about personal space, huh?! ;-)

Anyway, I digress...

Today, Rian and I took Robinson to the outlet malls in Foley. My parents met us there because they wanted to walk around with him. He got to ride his first carousel and seemed to enjoy it immensely. No, I didn't have my camera on me- lesson learned. You never know when a first will happen! All in all, he does great on the outings- except for now eatings have become a real chore. He will eat any of the solid food you put in front of him, but bottles- ugh. It is a hassle to say the least. He's down to 3-4 bottles a day and I can honestly say we feel like it's a good day if he takes 1 or 2 of them without fussing. He will clamp his lips shut, turn his head and or just generally be interested in something else. I know he's getting older and doesn't like the bottle, but he doesn't seem interested in learning the sippy cup any faster and the formula is still where his nutrition is so it's non-negotiable. I tried to reason with him, but he just grunted and smacked me in the face! haha Oh well, only a couple of more months and maybe we'll get to switch to milk and be finished with the whole formula thing. I really think that he is just developing taste buds and anybody that has smelled formula knows that it can NOT possibly taste good...so my man just has a delicate palate.

On other food fronts, we tried meat this week and I quickly realized that this will be one baby food that I make for Robinson. It looks, smells and probably tastes like dog food. I know that it has to in order to be processed and stored in a jar, but seriously...Robinson gave me this look like 'what the he!! was that??' and promptly gagged. haha- so, it looks like Mommy is going to be baking some chicken and getting out the trusty food processor to help the little guy know what real meat tastes like!

We have Robinson's Christening in the morning which should be beautiful and we had some professional pictures done a couple of weeks ago that should be ready next week. So, you will be bombarded with pictures soon!

Happy Mother's Day!

9 Month Stats- Quick Update

Howdy Ho!

Just wanted to give a quick update of our growing boy. He had his 9 month pediatrician appointment this past week (yes, I know he's technically 9 1/2 months, but you go when there is an opening)!

Weight: 18 pounds 10 ounces

Height 27 1/2 inches

Percentile: 25th for his ACTUAL age

Yep, you read the above statement right. Not only has Robinson hit the growth charts for his actual age, but he is has also hit them at the 25th percentile, which is FANTASTIC! His doctor was more than pleased. She checked him out and looked him over and said he is just doing remarkably well and she was so happy for him.

He definitely is growing up. Last week, I noticed he was trying to refuse some of his bottles and wasn't eating that well. I was worried that he might be sick, but I asked the doctor and she watched him, and asked some questions, one of which was he still eating his solids good- 'um, yeah, the boy will eat anything that comes near his mouth'. haha So, the verdict is that he's growing up and needs less formula and more substance. As Dr. L put it, "he's saying, 'mom, I'm a man, I need some meat and potatoes'"....HAHA So, we switched from our regular formula to Enfamil Next Step. It's basically a transitional formula to whole milk. You see it is very much recommended that infants stay on formula until at least 1 year of age, because that is where they receive all of their vitamins, minerals, etc. Most preemies stay on it until 1year old for their adjusted age (which would be 15 months for Robinson). However, this little overachiever is proving us wrong again and is ready for more solids/table food and becoming less dependent on his formula. The Next Step is concentrated with vitamins/minerals, so it allows us to feed him 20-24 ounces per day (3-4 bottles) rather than the 36-40 ounces (4-5 bottles) we were before.

She also said to start more table food and to explore all options with baby food. I have to admit, I've been very conservative with his food and haven't branched out as much as I should. surprise, surprise...but I went to the grocery store yesterday and loaded up. We bought some juice to start trying sippy cups; I bought some beef and chicken and exotic fruits and berries for him to try...oh, and this morning for breakfast Robinson had his first taste of yogurt! I mixed it with some applesauce and he thought it was the best thing ever! BUT I will say, with his reflux still present (albeit very much better than before)...yogurt is some NASTY stuff coming back up...blech!

The other big news is that Dr. L said it was time for Robinson to sleep in his crib. She hasn't really pushed us to make the move until now, but she watched him at our appointment and said it is time. His growth is caught up; developmentally he's really only about a month behind now; and she looked at me and said 'you're exhausted'. So...her advice was to let him cry it out. Now, I will go on record and say that I am not a fan of cry it out- at all! But that is why she put Rian in charge of it and told me to take an ambien and go to sleep...haha. I don't know if I can do all of that, but this week we are going to try to transition him to his crib, so please say a little prayer for the little guy that he can handle it. He doesn't like being alone at all and likes to be snuggled right next to me when he sleeps, so I'm very worried that this is not going to go well. Dr. L is right, though. I'm exhausted. I took note last night and I pretty much wake up EVERY HOUR to check on him, make sure he's positioned well, etc. That is not healthy for me or for Robinson. So, hopefully this will be a somewhat smooth transition and everyone in this house can get some much needed rest!

Oh, and did I mention a tiny little detail- Robinson is crawling!!! It's not pretty and he has YET to let me get it on video...But I promise as soon as I do, I'll post away. It's like he grew up overnight!

Swine Flu- Are You Freakin Kidding Me?!?

I was so excited about May... really, I was.

I had been researching little "adventures" for Robinson and I to go on during the day. We were going to start music classes, attend story time, go the zoo in Gulf Shores, go the beach, walk by the Bay...He's getting bored at the house- and frankly, so I am. I feel like these walls are closing in on me. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am not the hermit type. I like being out- going, going, going. Our neighbors used to joke that at first he would pick up our paper on the weekends for us, but he got tired because we were gone ALL OF THE TIME. hahaha...and we were...we like to go places.

RSV season had us in hibernation. And in the past month and a half that I've been home, I've literally been out of the house about 4 times- it's unnerving. Robinson is going crazy too. I gave him a toy the other day and he looked at me and sighed like "this one again". haha. I know he needs more stimulation, but RSV season was bad this year, so we had to stay inside.

May was supposed to make it all better.

It was the light at the end of the LOOOOONG tunnel.

The swine flu had to go and screw all of that up. Before you laugh at me, no, I'm not paranoid- yet. From what I've read the swine flu is pretty much like every other strain of flu and if you don't get treatment, it can get really bad. I'm not worried about myself- my worry revolves around Robinson. This flu, just like any other flu, could be very serious for him- mostly b/c it's very hard to treat an infant for these types of illnesses and they're very hard on their respiratory system. Compound that by the fact that he is a preemie with immature lungs and yeah, it's like starting RSV season all over again.

Until this gets under control, no story times; no zoo; definitely no music classes; and it even puts a damper in church. You see, we haven't been able to go to church during RSV season and we won't be able to go until this flu gets a little more 'stable'. The problem, though, is we already have Robinson's Christening set for Mother's Day. This stresses me out. There are now 2 confirmed swine flu cases in North Alabama. Church is a dome of germs. So, we will still have his Christening, but I'm sorry to be a scrooge. Other than the minister and Rian and I- nobody at church will be able to hold him or touch him. It's too risky because I can't shower everyone with hand sanitizer. And I'm really sorry...I know a lot of people were looking forward to holding him, laughing with him, etc. But you'll have to do it from a few steps away. We simply can not take any chances- we've come too far.

So, swine flu, you have officially ruined our beginning to Spring. To everyone out there- you'll be fine, just wash your hands. I swear, if everyone in America followed the NICU guidelines for handwashing there wouldn't be such pandemics in this country. B/C let's face it...these things are passed from person to person because people are not diligent about washing their hands, and touch door knobs and sneeze in their hands and the air, etc. I wish I could pass out pamphlets on the proper way to wash hands.....and I wish I could give the swine flu the big double forearm clap like they used to on "Friends"!


Okay, so I promised pictures...and I always follow through on promises...

Remember Mr. Bear? Here is his 9 month picture

"Mom, look, no hands!"

This is the sweetest smile you will ever see...

He is getting so big

This is an outfit his Uncle James got him and it is so cute on Robinson. He looks like a little football player.

He's getting more hair too!

I got a new Cannon Rebel Camera which is soooo nice. Yet, I'm still trying to figure out all of the tricks. These next two pictures are after my first self taught lesson about how to keep the person in focus and blur the background in order to make more of a 'portrait' type picture. What do you think?

Spring Cleaning

Tax season is over....ahhhhh. It's nice to have my husband back. And once again, I take my hat off to single mothers everywhere. It is amazing what they accomplish day in and out. I am thoroughly exhausted and can not comprehend how they manage to get it all done and still keep their sanity- truly super human!

The end of tax season not only means having Rian back at a decent hour (he worked until 3am one night- SERIOUSLY)...but it also means that it's time for Spring Cleaning. Usually this is what I do during tax season, but with the little guy, all of those tasks were put on hold until I had some help around the house. Rian actually had a wedding to attend this weekend in Birmingham for our dear friends, Nick and Julie. I was supposed to go as well, but with Robinson's severe separation anxiety (screams if I'm out of his sight for too long), we did not think that a 4 hour weekend trip was a good idea. We didn't want him being so upset and us be so far away. So, since Rian was a groomsmen, I stayed behind. I know that it was a beautiful event and Rian had a wonderful time. Nick and Julie- we wish you all the best and have a great time on your honeymoon!


Since Rian was away, my mom came to stay with me for the weekend. You are probably wondering why my parents are the go to babysitters. It's pretty simple. They spent almost as much time in the NICU with Robinson as Rian and I did...they asked the nurses questions; learned about his care; and took all of the exit classes that Rian and I were required to take- including CPR. They understand his monitor, which distress signs to look for, what to do when he gets congested, etc. In simple terms- we know that we have nothing to worry about when they are with him because they understand what to do for every situation. As we saw with our attempt at finding a nanny- even people that have a lot of baby experience, don't always know what to do with a preemie so we have to be careful about who's care Robinson is in when we are gone.


With my mom here with me, I took time to really get started on the Spring cleaning. I vacuumed, dusted, general pick up- I even dusted the base boards! One of the big accomplishments of the weekend was I cleaned out my closet. I still had a closet full of maternity clothes in there. Granted, I had still been wearing the tshirts and tank tops....I love that they have a longer length and they were comfortable. But sitting in my closet this weekend, I kept thinking to myself- these clothes bring back bad memories. You see, since having Robinson, I've read and researched A LOT on preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome...trying to find some answers. One of the topics that I always found interesting is the fact that preemie parents, it is said, need to mourn the loss of a normal pregnancy...for example, we never got to experience the 3rd trimester. So essentially, these articles discuss mourning the loss of the 3rd trimester.


I'll be honest, at first, I thought it was completely ridiculous. I felt fine. I was tired, yes, and worried about Robinson, yes. But these were the cards that I was dealt, I was going to play them. I felt fine. But I've since realized, that I was not fine. A certain beep or alarm, and my mind was back in NICU staring at the monitors, wondering what they might mean. I would see a pregnant lady on the street or in a store, and I would wonder why her body was okay with being pregnant and why mine had failed me. I would see the babies with their parents who seemed giant sized, only to realize that they were just full term babies and that's the size Robinson is supposed to be. Someone would ask us if we were going to try for another child, and suddenly my heart would race and my palms would get sweaty- b/c I am afraid of it happening all over again.

I know I don't often share my feelings, and for the most part, that's because I deal with those type of the things on my own. I've never been an overly emotional person. I'm the girl that watched "The Notebook" alone, in my apartment, and didn't shed a tear. In fact, I'd never really cried at movies....I considered myself just a very rational, analytical and logical personality.


I've changed.


And I realized that this weekend, as I sat on the floor of my closet, slowly folding some of these beautiful clothes that I never even got to wear. I am sad that I missed my 3rd trimester. I'm sad that I didn't get to have a shower where we played stupid games about how big my belly was. I'm sad that I didn't even have the chance to decide if I wanted maternity pictures- I'm even sadder that I have only a handful of pictures of when I actually was pregnant. I'm sad that we didn't have the chance to have a 4d ultrasound and try to make guesses of what who we thought Robinson was going to look like. I am sad. I was sad.


It was good to finally admit that to myself this weekend. I packed up all of the clothes and surveyed my freshly smelling, dirt and dust free house, and realized it really was a Spring cleaning. I'm admitting that there was sadness, anger and lack of understanding of why this happened to us. But this weekend was all about Spring Cleaning...cleaning out all of those old memories and fears and packing them away. It was refreshing- bring on Summer!




p.s. I apologize about the not having any pictures of our beautiful boy in this post. With tax season and Rian working such long hours, I've really slacked on the picture taking, but I promise that next week you will have see lots of photos of our handsome little man! :)

My Sweet Boy

I know now how every mother of a little boy must feel when she hears those words, "Mom, I'd like you to meet ____". Robinson is 9 months old and I'm already dreading it, because to me, he will always be my little boy.

He will forever be the little boy that loves watching The Backyardigans, but has to have me sitting beside him so that he can hold my hand.

He will forever be the little boy that when he wakes up from a nap, looks at me with those huge baby blues and gets the biggest smile on his face as if to say, "ah, you're still here".

He will forever be the little boy that however much Rian tries to get him to sleep beside him at night, he awalys inches his way back over to me and has to have his hand on my chest so that he feels my heartbeat.

He will forever be my little man and I know it will break my heart the day that I realize that someone else is his #1. So, I'll soak in every day with my snuggle bunny and cherish these days, but I know, deep down, that I will always see him as my sweet, sensitive little boy who loves his Momma so.

Some Sadness...

Please keep The Spohr Family in your prayers and thoughts today as they attend the funeral service for their beautiful daughter, Madeline. They lost Maddie very unexpectedly last week. It was just a little cough and some congestion- she was 17 months old.

If you ever have to wonder why I'm such a germaphobe or a little bit neurotic, it is because this is my worst nightmare. Preemies are so fragile. You are supposed to feel like you can breathe a little easier once they hit that year milestone, but that's not always the case. I can not even begin to imagine the pain and emptiness this family must be feeling. A fellow preemie mom directed me to their blog, and I am just truly hurting for them. I know God has His reasons, and I respect that, but sometimes, it's really hard to understand how events such as this can happen.

Reunion Weekend at Old HC

We made it to April- yay! We are still 'technically' in RSV season, but we are at the end. Robinson will get 1 more RSV shot at the end of this month, and then we will be done until next season. Robinson's pediatrician said that we could start venturing out with Robinson this month, with obvious precautions. I asked her about Reunion Weekend at mine and Rian's alma mater, Huntingdon College. She said that it would be a great idea to take him, b/c 1. it is not a long car ride (2.5 hours) and we could see how he handled road trips and 2. the events are ALL outside, so I could keep Robinson in the stroller and limit his exposure to other people. Plus, Rian is in tax season and really needed some time to work. So, my parents and I loaded up and headed to HC this past weekend.

The trip was a great success. It was a beautiful weekend, we got to see my brothers and sister in law. Overall, Robinson was a GREAT baby. He loved being outside once his eyes adjusted to the sunlight and loved being strolled around on the campus. Granted, he would have preferred to be out of the stroller and walking around, but I was still a complete germaphobe and wanted to be careful. I have to say a special thank you to all of my friends that we saw. EVERYONE was so respectful of Robinson and his situation...no one asked to hold him, no one even touched him and they all kept their children at least a foot's distance from him and wouldn't let them touch him. I was so grateful to them that they understood our situation and how it was so important to keep Robinson healthy. We did find out that about 1.5 hours is Robinson's limit in the carseat. He HATES being in there, so I do not foresee any long road trips in our future!

And, because I know all of you are wondering, what does the end of RSV season mean and what can or can't Robinson do??

1. If you or anybody in your household is sick, he still can not be around you. If there is a family function, please let us know of any illness, so that we can know not to attend.

2. It is still imperative that you wash/sanitize your hands before touching Robinson or any of his toys.

3. We are going to be very cautious about holding Robinson...we aren't just going to let him be passed from person to person. We will let you hold him, as long as you are healthy, and have sanitized your hands. But in large gatherings, we will limit how many times he gets passed around- it can be very overwhelming for him. And we agree that it is not a good idea for children to hold him at all right now. Unfortunately, children are full of germs and you never know what he can pick up.

Again, we aren't saying this to be mean or to keep Robinson hidden. We will be attending family and friend functions (as long as no one is sick) and we will be going for walks in the park, etc. But we need you to understand that Robinson is still a preemie and is still VERY small for his age. Although, the risk of RSV has fallen, any kind of sickness could land him in the hospital- especially a stomach virus. He can get dehydrated very easily. I know that not everyone fully 'gets' what having a premature baby means and what their limits are- I know that both Rian and I had absolutely NO idea before Robinson was here. It has been a long educational journey for us and we continue to learn new things/limitations/challenges every day. So, we do understand that this is hard for all of you and you may think we are being silly, especially if you've never known a preemie. But Robinson's health is our #1 priority, and we will do everything to continue to keep him well. :)

More pictures from the weekend...

Rachelle, Josh, me, and James in front of Bellingrath

Swinging with Mommy on The Green

Josh and Rachelle with Robinson- and yes, I carried a miniature bottle of hand sanitizer with me all day so that everyone who held/touched Robinson would be clean. ;-)

James and Robinson...it was a beautiful day and don't you love that little smile!

Working on Milestones...

This has been my first official week as a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM). We've had a great time. I've been working with Robinson on some of his milestones this week and will continue to do so until we catch up. It is perfectly normal and expected for Robinson to be 'delayed' on milestones because of his prematurity. It may seem a little confusing, but I'll try to explain. Robinson was born over 3 months early, so he is expected to be 3 months behind in development until he reaches the age of 2- that's when the month to month changes/advancements become less and less and you start to evaluate children on a year to year basis. So, basically, Robinson's prematurity will definitely affect him until he's 2 years old, but hopefully will not have any more of a lasting effect.

This essentially means that although Robinson is technically 8 1/2 months old, he probably acts and seems more like a 5 1/2 month old. And the confusing part, is that sometimes he can achieve 6, 7 or even 8 month milestones, so it is hard sometimes to know/gauge what he can handle and what will be too overstimulating for him. I will say that learning to work with him on his developmental milestones has been a challenge- I've had to research what he should be achieving at different times and I become his physical therapist, speech therapist and occupational therapist all in one to try to work with him with all of the "tricks". Also, as everyone realizes, EVERY baby is an individual, so they have to be ready to do these things on their own- I can't push him too hard, or it is too much of an overload for him. I have to look for cues to see what he's ready for and then research some techniques to help him along. It's so much fun learning with him and taking such a proactive approach to his development, but I want to be sure that I find a balance and letting him work at his own pace. It is hard sometimes, because you see/hear what other babies his age are doing and it deflates you at times- BUT just for a second, because then he'll do something AMAZING and your mind is blown away at just how special and unbelievably brilliant this little boy is!

Robinson can now sit un assisted for at least a minute, sometimes longer. It depends on whether I've picked a good toy to keep his attention. If he gets bored, he tries to grab another toy and it's hard for him to keep his balance. But he has made wonderful progress.

He loves to read!

He's talking up a storm...just your normal baby babble...every now and then you can pick out a "hey" a "dada" and very rarely a "mama"...but they are definitely there!

And to our surprise- Robinson can now stand unassisted. This is AWESOME for him, because we didn't expect this for another month or so. We are so excited for him for this 'step'.
He can crab crawl really well on his back and sort of scoot on his front, but we aren't quite there with the crawling. He still hates tummy time, so I suspect that has a lot to do with him not wanting to crawl...I really think he'll walk and sort of skip over crawling- this kid just isn't interested in being on the ground! haha...he wants to stand up like the grown ups!

Do you ever have one of those days...

when nothing seems to go right?! ...I'm having one of those days.

Before you panic- Robinson is fine, he's doing great and I promise to end this blog on a positive note, but I've had a rough week.


First- yesterday was my last day of work- indefinitely. Do you know how weird and unnatural that sounds to me? Yes, I know it's the best thing for my family and I'm doing what is right for Robinson. But I've worked since I was 14 years old. I put myself through graduate school for 2 Masters and am STILL paying off student loans. In a time where people are getting laid off left and right...I'm just walking away. It's hard. My job has always been my identity. Yes, I know I have a new job now, and that it's probably going to be a lot harder than any job I've had. But it still feels odd to go from being a 50% contributor, to not contributing any kind of paycheck. I always thought that I could do it all, but, I can't...and it's just hard to admit.


Second- Robinson is a very happy baby- AS LONG AS YOU ARE HOLDING HIM OR PAYING 100% ATTENTION TO HIM....yes, I know that makes some of you laugh. But the kid won't let you lay him down for a nap or sleep in his crib at night. He will be sound asleep, I go to lay him down and the eyes pop wide open. His new trick is to hold onto my shirt so that when I go to lay him down, it's like his own personal alarm "oh no you don't mommy". I've tried letting him cry a little...he won't stop, and I've talked before about how he is just too young and small to let him cry it out completely...and I'm not a big fan of that anyway. It's frustrating, b/c now this is my job, and I'm struggling getting the day to day housework finished because he won't entertain himself for more than 30 minutes...SERIOUSLY?! You can't do much of anything in 30 minutes. He sleeps with me, which means that I don't sleep very well, because I'm constantly worried about him and if he's comfortable and if he can breathe. Oh, and I think he's teething, which is only aggravating the fussiness.


Third- I feel immense guilt about even thinking the above. Robinson has been through so much. He is so strong and such a miracle that I feel horrible when I get frustrated. I feel like a horrible person even thinking anything bad because we have been so blessed and Robinson is thriving for a 26 weeker. It really is amazing what he's accomplished, yet, I'm frustrated because I'm tired and my house hasn't really been clean in almost a year?? I just feel like I deserve to be slapped upside the head for even thinking of being frustrated.


Fourth- Lovely pre-eclampsia. It has taken a toll on my body. You gain a LOT of weight with pre-e and if you refer back to the above, I have NO time to exercise. Which means that I still have a good 30-40 pounds that I need to lose. I have zero self esteem right now, which I know makes me seem vain. But for any of you that know me really well, exercise was a hobby for me- I use to run several 5K's a year. Now, I don't even think I could run a 1/2 of a mile, and it's a little depressing for me. I used to take pride in taking care of myself and now I can not stand to take pictures of me, because I don't even recognize the person that I see. Again, I feel guilty even thinking this. I'm lucky to be alive; I should be thankful for each and every day. And I am...I just wish sometimes that I could start to look and feel like my old self again.


I am so very sorry for the "Debbie Downer" post. I guess I just wanted everyone to realize that 98% of the time, I'm extremely positive and happy, but today is the other 2%. Many people have kept telling me how strong I am and how I've handled everything so well. I thank them, but when they say that, I know the truth and know that other 2% rears its ugly head every now and again.


I promised to end on a positive note, though:

Robinson really is thriving. He was weighed on Thursday and is up to 16 pounds 10 ounces!! He is 8 months old- can you believe how fast time is passing us? And he is in 6-9 month clothes, which brings me to the big news of the post....drum roll please

ROBINSON HAS HIT THE GROWTH CHART FOR HIS ACTUAL AGE IN WEIGHT!

Granted, he's in the 5th percentile, but most preemies don't begin to hit the chart for their actual ages until they reach 1 year or older. I am so pleased for him. We go back to the doctor next month, so I'll have a height and head circumference for you then...he currently gets weighed each month for his monthly RSV shot.

RSV Season...is almost behind us! YAY! We can start to go places! I'm sure that will be a wonderful adventure for all of us. This hibernation has been hard on Rian and I b/c we are used to "go, go, go", but it's been worth it to keep Robinson healthy. I just can't believe that we are 4 months away from being a 1 year old!


And now for some pictures...

We are trying to learn to sit unassisted. Remember, he's 3 months behind in developmental milestones, so even though most 8 month olds can do this without issue- Robinson is working on 5 and 6 month old milestones

His Uncle James bought him his 1st Red Sox outfit...Robinson was not feeling the camera this day...

I took this one today of Rian and Robinson. In honor of Spring...Robinson wore his 1st seersucker outfit. How cute is he? Oh, and you can tell that he is in desperate need of a nap in the picture, but he wasn't having any of that today! haha

Here is a video of Robinson belly laughing. Excuse the angle. I'm taking the video AND trying to make him laugh, so I didn't realize that I was focused on his chest most of the time. You get a great up close look at his apnea monitor, though- yes we are still on the monitor- just for bedtime, though through RSV season. We haven't had any scares (knock on wood), but we are just lucky that we have a conservative pediatrician and she wanted him on it through the RSV season just in case he got sick and had trouble breathing at night.

How a Preemie Mom is Chosen

I saw this and just loved it and wanted to share. Obviously, this is by no means saying that other mothers take things for granted...it's just a little something to make mothers of preemies smile.

How Preemie Moms Are Chosen

(Erma Bombeck)

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen? Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.

As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew.
Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia.
Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles."Give her a preemie."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God?She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God."Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."

"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect She has just the right amount of selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.

She will never take for granted a spoken word.
She will never consider a step ordinary.
When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it.
I will permit her to see clearly the things I see--ignorance, cruelty, prejudice--and allow her to rise above them.
She will never be alone.
I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

Big News

I have been back to work for almost 3 months. It was a struggle. I felt like I couldn't give 100% at work and 100% at home-something was always falling short. Then last week, on the first week of the nanny being here without my mother, Robinson had a very bad day. The nanny called me at work late one afternoon and said he had been crying on and off all day (not a huge deal, in fact, I kind of expected that), but she said this last episode had lasted 1.5 hours. I could hear Robinson in the background...he wasn't crying- he was screaming his head off. I told her I was coming home. Robinson sounded like a 80 year old smoker he was so raspy. He had cried so much that he was having difficulty breathing because too much phlegm had made its way to his lungs. I thought I was going to have to take him to the ER, but I went back to my NICU training that our lovely nurses gave us and used his saline drops and suction and within an hour or so he was sounding better. He spit up mucous almost all night...

Rian and I had a looooong talk that weekend. We decided that it would be the best decision for our family for me to turn in my notice and resign from work.

Was it a hard decision? yes

Do we 2nd guess whether it was the right decision? no

Robinson has been doing so well and if you look at him, he doesn't really "look" like a preemie so we think we got too comfortable and started treating him like a "full termer". But the reality is that he is not...and episodes like last week are dangerous and could seriously set him back as far as his lung maturity and his health. No one is going to take care of him as well as we could and we will feel much safer knowing that I am with him every day and we are doing the best that we can. My last day will be March 20th and then I'll have the new title of Stay at Home Mommy.

Other news: Robinson is up to 15 pounds as of a week ago!! He is in 6-9 month clothes, which truly amazes me. These clothes used to look HUGE to me, and now not only is he wearing them, but they FIT!! No big or hanging off here. Robinson is almost sitting up by himself, but definitely sits assisted. Is rolling front to back and back to front at leisure. Can hold up his head the entire time during tummy time...and has also started scooting. He can scoot on his stomach or back- this is the beginning of the crawling phase. I'll put him down turn my head for a second and look back and he's on the other side of the mat. Where has the time gone??

This is a self portrait that just melts my heart. Rian said that Robinson has this look on his face like "this is her, this is the one I've been telling you about- she's my mommy" :)

Can you believe how big he is getting? We need to take out that Infant Insert Padding, huh?

You got to love those baby blues

He gets so tickled sometimes at the camera. It's like he knows what it is and is posing for me.

This is his little chair that will help him build back muscles so that he can sit on his own one day.

Here is a video of Robinson laughing with his Nana. He LOVES his Nana and has so much fun with her. And his laugh is hilarious!