I don't have any new pictures to share or amazing developmental stories of Robinson to relay, so I thought I would post about a topic that crosses my mind many times during the day...how I've changed since becoming a mother.
1. puke, poop, boogies, urine, etc. no longer gross me out
It's so funny how when you become a mother that in the span of 2o minutes your child can puke on you, get poop all over your hands while simultaneously peeing in your face as you're trying to pick that boogie off the edge of their nose and you somehow do not miss a beat. A year ago, I would've gone running to the shower. Now, I grab a baby wipe- wipe Robinson and myself down and consider it "good enough".
2. I go out of the house without makeup and my hair fixed- simply if it's just to get out of the house.
So, I'll readily admit that I used to be vain enough to not walk out of the house without at least mascara, lip gloss and my hair brushed in a nice sleek ponytail for fear that I would run into someone. Now, I happily throw on my pink Boston bball hat, some yoga pants, a tshirt with not so much as a lip gloss to run to Starbucks, fast food, heck even the gas station or Walgreens for something we need. I find myself saying under my breath "I have an infant; I no longer care what people think of me and I'm now a mother so people no longer care to look at me"
3. I recycle and generally care about the environment
Now I would like to point out that it's not that I thought this was a futile effort before Robinson, but hey, I had more important things on my mind...like where we were going out to eat Friday night and if they had a good wine selection (I was a young girly 20 something- don't judge me). However, this is now the place that my child, my grandchildren, and so forth will have to live and breathe the air. So, we stack up the newspapers and magazines, wash out the plastic, etc. and haul it all over to the recycling drop off since they don't do a neighborhood pick up here- yep, we actually make an effort..
4. Movies, music, quotes that I used to find hilarious, I now find offensive and put "earmuffs" on Robinson even though he has no idea what's going on
I'm just like every other young adult. I've seen every Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller crass perverted movie and have listened to my fair share of rap/hip hop music....but now I find myself going "gasp" and "ooooh" and "I can't believe they just said that" "that is repulsive"...I tell Rian all of the time what we will and will not allow Robinson to see and listen to and how I want to shield him from certain pop culture. Rian rolls his eyes at me and says "he's a guy; he's going to hear it anyway"....well, not from or around his mother he won't
5. I would rather go shopping for Robinson than myself
I honestly used to laugh when I heard mothers say this...I thought to myself that it was a nice thought, but that I'm still going to want to look put together when I have a child. HA, please refer to #2! I would rather buy a cute outfit or toy for Robinson than spend the money on some trendy outfit that, let's face it, will no longer be cool in 6 months because stores no longer have the ability to stock up on classic pieces and everything seems to be trendy lately. And we can state the obvious...I'm too old to look cute and feel ridiculous in some of these clothes...which brings me to:
6. I have that "MOM" feeling of uncoolness
I no longer think that holding a beer bottle or can out in public (or even in my house) for that matter looks okay for me; I no longer think that having more than a couple of drinks is fun- I carefully remind myself how crappy I'll feel the next day and let's face it, hangovers take DAYS to get over after you hit 30! As far as clothes- seriously those short, spaghetti strapped empire waist DRESSES, I'm using as long shirts over jeans right now. Seriously, if I ever have a daughter, you'll be darn sure she's not walking out of my house with something that barely covers her bum (and yes, I call it a bum now). If society wants to discuss why our children are growing up so fast, they might want to take a look at the Juniors section of their local Dillards or aka future hookers/strippers of America line. I seriously can not believe some of the items I see young girls (and women my age trying to be 21) wear- someone should tell them that not showing every ounce of skin can be just as beautiful and sexy...geez, do I sound like a mom or what?!
7. I worry about everything
I've always been a Type A worrier- I'll freely admit that. But now that I'm a mother, I take it to ridiculous extremes. If Robinson doesn't have a good day of eating, I immediately think he won't gain weight and become sickly...if I see a bump on his head- my first thought is tumor- seriously. I check to make sure he's breathing at least 5 times a night. I worry about school shootings and my little man isn't even in preschool. I check the sex offender registry and freak out when I see how close some of them live in reference to my home. I worry about war, violence, the economy from a completely different perspective now. I realize some of these things are UTTERLY ridiculous, but he's my whole world and I just want to protect him and keep him safe even though I know he'll eventually have to stand on his own and I won't be able to hold his hand.
8. I know what it is like to put someone else's needs before mine
The perfect example is my career. Before baby I loved work and loved thinking about my career path. I didn't care if my meeting ran until 8:30pm and I had to be back at 7am the next morning. I thrived under that kind of stress. After baby- I kept thinking of all of the time I was missing with him and that, being a preemie, he needed me. So I gave it all up- just like that. The second example is my physical appearance. You all know that I had my vanity. I worked out, got my highlights, my manicure...I'll admit that I was probably a little high maintenance and thought maybe a little too much about the way I looked and would blow off other things to get that workout in, etc. Now...the little man comes first. If he's fussy and cries when I try to work out- guess what goes? I spread my hair appointments out further because 1. it's expensive (do they use real gold for my golden highlights) and 2. Robinson usually freaks out on Rian every time I go and I feel guilty for leaving them. I still have 25 pounds of baby weight and don't look a thing like old self, but that one little crooked grin makes me really not care and just want some cuddle time with my little man.
9. I don't spend near as much alone time with my husband
This one, I'm not so proud of to be honest with you. Everyone always told Rian and I that the first year of marriage is the hardest. I completely disagree. Our first year of marriage was a blast. We went on trips, went out to great places to eat, hung out with friends, catched the latest movie, etc. We were hardly ever home because we were always on the go. Now, with me not working, we are on a tight budget. Getting take out from Ruby Tuesdays or Moe's is considered going out to eat. Renting a movie that came out a year ago and sits on our coffee table until we find a night that we aren't too exhausted to stay up and watch it is our entertainment. What time we have for conversations almost always revolves around Robinson- how much did he eat today? Did he poop? Did he strain or spit up? Do you think he's teething? blah blah blah I mean, yeah, we'll try to get in a real conversation every now and then, but then someone cries and it's back to business. The first year of having a baby is hard- you have to work at having "us" time and let me tell you, it doesn't come easy or often. I would love to have a real date with my husband, but I would also miss and wonder if my little guy is okay while we were gone. I'm sure that will get better with time, but I do miss my husband. He's a funny, intelligent guy. I know he has more things to talk about rather than our son's poop for the day.
10. Being a mother is the greatest feeling in the world and I wouldn't change a thing.
Of all of the things that I've listed in this post of how I've changed, I will say this- I've changed for the better. Nothing can make you so in love, so selfless and so protective than having a child. Your whole world turns upside down and is shaken. You sometimes lose yourself, lose your 'us', may even lose your body or lose the fun....but that one hug, or gummy smile or if you're lucky enough that little body scooting over to you in the middle of the night so that he can be right next to you, makes your heart melt and keeps your feet steady.
I'm now a mother. I worry, I fret, I over analyze.
I love unconditionally. I protect. I comfort. I keep him safe.
I'm Robinson's mommy.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Happy Memorial Day
I hope that everyone had a wonderful Memorial Day and a good start to the summer season!
We had a busy week here. Rian was out of town for work, so my mom (aka NANA) came over to help me out with the little guy...he was good, but he knows when Rian is away and he doesn't sleep really well. I was very exhausted by the end of the week, but we were both so happy to have Rian home.
On the Robinson front, we officially have our first tooth! And I think there are more trying to/close to breaking through which is fine by me. I'd rather have a bunch of them come in at once so that the little guy doesn't have to deal with so much discomfort spread out for months. And the big news of the week is that Robinson can pull himself to stand! woot woot....
Here is a video of the said standing...the 'first' time was Wednesday May 20th, but this video is from yesterday (you know it takes me a few days before he lets me record him) :)
We had a busy week here. Rian was out of town for work, so my mom (aka NANA) came over to help me out with the little guy...he was good, but he knows when Rian is away and he doesn't sleep really well. I was very exhausted by the end of the week, but we were both so happy to have Rian home.
On the Robinson front, we officially have our first tooth! And I think there are more trying to/close to breaking through which is fine by me. I'd rather have a bunch of them come in at once so that the little guy doesn't have to deal with so much discomfort spread out for months. And the big news of the week is that Robinson can pull himself to stand! woot woot....
Here is a video of the said standing...the 'first' time was Wednesday May 20th, but this video is from yesterday (you know it takes me a few days before he lets me record him) :)
Some pictures from today, Memorial Day. We went over to my grandmother's house and met my parents and Aunt Linda and Uncle John. Of course we all ate way too much, but we worked it off by playing with Robinson, right?! ;-)
Saturday, May 16, 2009
The BOB and The Zoo
I have a wonderful family and fabulous friends.
I've always known that, but this week, they once again went above and beyond. It has been a hard month, because Robinson is transitioning food/meals; he's teething; we're trying to transition to the crib; and his bowels are not the most regular because of all of these factors (yes, I'm one of those mom's that talks about my kid's poop...).
We had our first non checkup trip to the pediatrician last week because Robinson just seemed to be breathing fast and his reflux seemed to have gotten worse. Verdict = little man was just constipated, which was causing pressure on everything. He's always had issues in this department, even in the NICU, so it wasn't really surprising. We now have to give him a little juice/water/Miralax cocktail twice a day until he becomes more 'regular'. Just in the past day, I can tell that he feels so much better and he's eating better (crossing fingers) so hopefully this will help him in some areas. The good news is that he grew a 1/2 inch in 2 weeks- he's now 28 inches long and almost 19 pounds!
I've been very stressed this week, thinking it was something more serious....So, it's been a rough week... Rian was gone to Biloxi to go see Glenn Campbell in concert with his mother yesterday. My parents came over to see Robinson and just sit with me. UPS arrived with a huge box around 6pm. I honestly thought Rian had bought some stupid hunting accessory and didn't pay that much attention. When I went out to get the take out we'd ordered for dinner, I finally looked at the box and noticed it was The BOB Stroller!! If any of you have seen "Little Miss Sunshine", I seriously could have had a similar reaction to when the little girl found out she was in the pageant- aka- screaming at the top of my lungs! haha This is the CADILLAC of all strollers and I've had my eye on it for some time. It's a jogging stroller, technically, but you can easily use it for every day because it's so versatile and it's a GREAT ride for babies. It has shock absorption and multi position/reclining seat, plus the front wheel can swivel or lock, so it's great for walking and jogging. It is an amazing gift and I have to say a very special thank you to:
Madison, Melissa, Coretta, my parents and Rian for getting together behind my back and buying me this unbelievable gift- just because. It was so thoughtful and I could not believe their generosity. I love you all!
Our 1st adventure with The BOB was to the Gulf Shores Zoo. My Dad had bought my mom a 'tiger encounter' for Mother's Day. You basically get to play with the baby tiger cubs at the zoo for X amount of time. We headed down there this afternoon and had a great time. The stroller was wonderful- completely shaded Robinson and he had fun looking at all of the animals. He even fell asleep in it towards the end- so it must have been comfortable. He did cry once when the larger goat came up to him at the fence and started "talking" to him. It scared him a little and, I'll be honest, made us giggle a lot! They have numerous goats, deer, etc, but they do have their share of exotic animals with a surprising amount of lions and tigers and bears- oh my! ;-P
Here are some pictures from the day...enjoy!
Robinson with Poppa Jim
Don't you just love that face?!?
With Daddy ...
and Mommy
Nana with the Tiger Cubs
The Bear Exhibit
So tired...
I've always known that, but this week, they once again went above and beyond. It has been a hard month, because Robinson is transitioning food/meals; he's teething; we're trying to transition to the crib; and his bowels are not the most regular because of all of these factors (yes, I'm one of those mom's that talks about my kid's poop...).
We had our first non checkup trip to the pediatrician last week because Robinson just seemed to be breathing fast and his reflux seemed to have gotten worse. Verdict = little man was just constipated, which was causing pressure on everything. He's always had issues in this department, even in the NICU, so it wasn't really surprising. We now have to give him a little juice/water/Miralax cocktail twice a day until he becomes more 'regular'. Just in the past day, I can tell that he feels so much better and he's eating better (crossing fingers) so hopefully this will help him in some areas. The good news is that he grew a 1/2 inch in 2 weeks- he's now 28 inches long and almost 19 pounds!
I've been very stressed this week, thinking it was something more serious....So, it's been a rough week... Rian was gone to Biloxi to go see Glenn Campbell in concert with his mother yesterday. My parents came over to see Robinson and just sit with me. UPS arrived with a huge box around 6pm. I honestly thought Rian had bought some stupid hunting accessory and didn't pay that much attention. When I went out to get the take out we'd ordered for dinner, I finally looked at the box and noticed it was The BOB Stroller!! If any of you have seen "Little Miss Sunshine", I seriously could have had a similar reaction to when the little girl found out she was in the pageant- aka- screaming at the top of my lungs! haha This is the CADILLAC of all strollers and I've had my eye on it for some time. It's a jogging stroller, technically, but you can easily use it for every day because it's so versatile and it's a GREAT ride for babies. It has shock absorption and multi position/reclining seat, plus the front wheel can swivel or lock, so it's great for walking and jogging. It is an amazing gift and I have to say a very special thank you to:
Madison, Melissa, Coretta, my parents and Rian for getting together behind my back and buying me this unbelievable gift- just because. It was so thoughtful and I could not believe their generosity. I love you all!
Our 1st adventure with The BOB was to the Gulf Shores Zoo. My Dad had bought my mom a 'tiger encounter' for Mother's Day. You basically get to play with the baby tiger cubs at the zoo for X amount of time. We headed down there this afternoon and had a great time. The stroller was wonderful- completely shaded Robinson and he had fun looking at all of the animals. He even fell asleep in it towards the end- so it must have been comfortable. He did cry once when the larger goat came up to him at the fence and started "talking" to him. It scared him a little and, I'll be honest, made us giggle a lot! They have numerous goats, deer, etc, but they do have their share of exotic animals with a surprising amount of lions and tigers and bears- oh my! ;-P
Here are some pictures from the day...enjoy!
Me and Robinson in The BOB
He was very excited when we started walking outside
Robinson with Poppa Jim
Don't you just love that face?!?
With Daddy ...
and Mommy
Nana with the Tiger Cubs
The Bear Exhibit
So tired...Sunday, May 10, 2009
Mother's Day and Robinson's Christening
My first Mother's Day was a huge success. Let me tell you, though, now that we can get out and about...I love it AND I hate it. haha- I never knew how much work and how exhausting outings with an infant can be for the parents! We did manage to get up and get ready this morning and make it to the church on time. Robinson looked absolutely adorable in his outfit and was so good during the service. I only had to walk out once with him and that was just because he was getting tired. He loved the music of course and also loved people watching. I have to admit that I got teary during his baptism- we haven't been able to go to church since he was born and seeing some of the same people that came to see us in the hospital just brought back so many memories and made me so grateful for where we all are today.
For my first Mother's Day present, Robinson got Mommy a mini chopper for the kitchen that I have had my eyes on and a Starbucks gift card! Even if we don't have anywhere to go, that has been mine and Robinson's adventure of choice in the early afternoon- just a little something to get out of the house.
Here are some pictures from church today. Obviously, I STILL don't look like myself, but I'm slowly coming back. But the little guy is just adorable! :) And I apologize, we didn't get any good family pictures. They were off balance or out of focus (the lighting in the church is different) so, sadly, we have no pictures of the 3 of us. Maybe somebody got some along the way...
I hope everyone had a beautiful Mother's Day!
He is just getting cuter every day!
For my first Mother's Day present, Robinson got Mommy a mini chopper for the kitchen that I have had my eyes on and a Starbucks gift card! Even if we don't have anywhere to go, that has been mine and Robinson's adventure of choice in the early afternoon- just a little something to get out of the house.
Here are some pictures from church today. Obviously, I STILL don't look like myself, but I'm slowly coming back. But the little guy is just adorable! :) And I apologize, we didn't get any good family pictures. They were off balance or out of focus (the lighting in the church is different) so, sadly, we have no pictures of the 3 of us. Maybe somebody got some along the way...
I hope everyone had a beautiful Mother's Day!
He is just getting cuter every day!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
C.R.A.W.L.I.N.G!
I finally got him on video! Now, I know it's not pretty and perfect, but the kid IS moving! He will just get better with practice and he loves that he can get to toys across the floor now. Robinson is really getting more mobile each day. He wanted to stand against the ottoman this morning and I let go of him and he starts trying to cruise down the side of it! He frequently tries to jump out of my arms when I'm holding him and he will NOT sit down and play. He is constantly moving and trying to stand, and therefore tumbling all over the place. He's already hit his head on the entertainment center because he was trying to roll away from me. He has NO fear, which, as a mother, terrifies me, but also make me smile at the same time. I guess I should get used to having a boy, huh?
In other news, we are trying to get out more. Robinson and I went to the Eastern Shore Center on Friday and walked around. He loved Barnes and Nobles and, of course, we had to buy him a new book while we were there. Everyone who saw him 'ooohed and awed' at how cute he is....and I tried to hold myself back from tackling people when they would reach to touch him. Seriously, it's like when total strangers want to rub your belly when you are pregnant. Why do people have NO boundaries when it comes to pregnancy or babies?? I even had his bright red stop sign on his stroller that says "Please Wash Your Hands Before You Touch Mine"...I did get a couple of mothers that commented on how cool the sign was and how they wished they had one for their children. At least some people respected his personal space! I will say, though, that the one cooky lady that did touch him, only touched his feet. I made sure that I needed to adjust his straps so that she couldn't get to his hands. I realize that I'm neurotic and you're more than welcome to laugh, but it seriously freaks me out that people I don't even know feel that it's okay to walk up to you in a store and touch/play with my baby....it equally freaked me out when people would rub my belly while I was pregnant. I must have a thing about personal space, huh?! ;-)
Anyway, I digress...
Today, Rian and I took Robinson to the outlet malls in Foley. My parents met us there because they wanted to walk around with him. He got to ride his first carousel and seemed to enjoy it immensely. No, I didn't have my camera on me- lesson learned. You never know when a first will happen! All in all, he does great on the outings- except for now eatings have become a real chore. He will eat any of the solid food you put in front of him, but bottles- ugh. It is a hassle to say the least. He's down to 3-4 bottles a day and I can honestly say we feel like it's a good day if he takes 1 or 2 of them without fussing. He will clamp his lips shut, turn his head and or just generally be interested in something else. I know he's getting older and doesn't like the bottle, but he doesn't seem interested in learning the sippy cup any faster and the formula is still where his nutrition is so it's non-negotiable. I tried to reason with him, but he just grunted and smacked me in the face! haha Oh well, only a couple of more months and maybe we'll get to switch to milk and be finished with the whole formula thing. I really think that he is just developing taste buds and anybody that has smelled formula knows that it can NOT possibly taste good...so my man just has a delicate palate.
On other food fronts, we tried meat this week and I quickly realized that this will be one baby food that I make for Robinson. It looks, smells and probably tastes like dog food. I know that it has to in order to be processed and stored in a jar, but seriously...Robinson gave me this look like 'what the he!! was that??' and promptly gagged. haha- so, it looks like Mommy is going to be baking some chicken and getting out the trusty food processor to help the little guy know what real meat tastes like!
We have Robinson's Christening in the morning which should be beautiful and we had some professional pictures done a couple of weeks ago that should be ready next week. So, you will be bombarded with pictures soon!
Happy Mother's Day!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
9 Month Stats- Quick Update
Howdy Ho!
Just wanted to give a quick update of our growing boy. He had his 9 month pediatrician appointment this past week (yes, I know he's technically 9 1/2 months, but you go when there is an opening)!
Weight: 18 pounds 10 ounces
Height 27 1/2 inches
Percentile: 25th for his ACTUAL age
Yep, you read the above statement right. Not only has Robinson hit the growth charts for his actual age, but he is has also hit them at the 25th percentile, which is FANTASTIC! His doctor was more than pleased. She checked him out and looked him over and said he is just doing remarkably well and she was so happy for him.
He definitely is growing up. Last week, I noticed he was trying to refuse some of his bottles and wasn't eating that well. I was worried that he might be sick, but I asked the doctor and she watched him, and asked some questions, one of which was he still eating his solids good- 'um, yeah, the boy will eat anything that comes near his mouth'. haha So, the verdict is that he's growing up and needs less formula and more substance. As Dr. L put it, "he's saying, 'mom, I'm a man, I need some meat and potatoes'"....HAHA So, we switched from our regular formula to Enfamil Next Step. It's basically a transitional formula to whole milk. You see it is very much recommended that infants stay on formula until at least 1 year of age, because that is where they receive all of their vitamins, minerals, etc. Most preemies stay on it until 1year old for their adjusted age (which would be 15 months for Robinson). However, this little overachiever is proving us wrong again and is ready for more solids/table food and becoming less dependent on his formula. The Next Step is concentrated with vitamins/minerals, so it allows us to feed him 20-24 ounces per day (3-4 bottles) rather than the 36-40 ounces (4-5 bottles) we were before.
She also said to start more table food and to explore all options with baby food. I have to admit, I've been very conservative with his food and haven't branched out as much as I should. surprise, surprise...but I went to the grocery store yesterday and loaded up. We bought some juice to start trying sippy cups; I bought some beef and chicken and exotic fruits and berries for him to try...oh, and this morning for breakfast Robinson had his first taste of yogurt! I mixed it with some applesauce and he thought it was the best thing ever! BUT I will say, with his reflux still present (albeit very much better than before)...yogurt is some NASTY stuff coming back up...blech!
The other big news is that Dr. L said it was time for Robinson to sleep in his crib. She hasn't really pushed us to make the move until now, but she watched him at our appointment and said it is time. His growth is caught up; developmentally he's really only about a month behind now; and she looked at me and said 'you're exhausted'. So...her advice was to let him cry it out. Now, I will go on record and say that I am not a fan of cry it out- at all! But that is why she put Rian in charge of it and told me to take an ambien and go to sleep...haha. I don't know if I can do all of that, but this week we are going to try to transition him to his crib, so please say a little prayer for the little guy that he can handle it. He doesn't like being alone at all and likes to be snuggled right next to me when he sleeps, so I'm very worried that this is not going to go well. Dr. L is right, though. I'm exhausted. I took note last night and I pretty much wake up EVERY HOUR to check on him, make sure he's positioned well, etc. That is not healthy for me or for Robinson. So, hopefully this will be a somewhat smooth transition and everyone in this house can get some much needed rest!
Oh, and did I mention a tiny little detail- Robinson is crawling!!! It's not pretty and he has YET to let me get it on video...But I promise as soon as I do, I'll post away. It's like he grew up overnight!
Just wanted to give a quick update of our growing boy. He had his 9 month pediatrician appointment this past week (yes, I know he's technically 9 1/2 months, but you go when there is an opening)!
Weight: 18 pounds 10 ounces
Height 27 1/2 inches
Percentile: 25th for his ACTUAL age
Yep, you read the above statement right. Not only has Robinson hit the growth charts for his actual age, but he is has also hit them at the 25th percentile, which is FANTASTIC! His doctor was more than pleased. She checked him out and looked him over and said he is just doing remarkably well and she was so happy for him.
He definitely is growing up. Last week, I noticed he was trying to refuse some of his bottles and wasn't eating that well. I was worried that he might be sick, but I asked the doctor and she watched him, and asked some questions, one of which was he still eating his solids good- 'um, yeah, the boy will eat anything that comes near his mouth'. haha So, the verdict is that he's growing up and needs less formula and more substance. As Dr. L put it, "he's saying, 'mom, I'm a man, I need some meat and potatoes'"....HAHA So, we switched from our regular formula to Enfamil Next Step. It's basically a transitional formula to whole milk. You see it is very much recommended that infants stay on formula until at least 1 year of age, because that is where they receive all of their vitamins, minerals, etc. Most preemies stay on it until 1year old for their adjusted age (which would be 15 months for Robinson). However, this little overachiever is proving us wrong again and is ready for more solids/table food and becoming less dependent on his formula. The Next Step is concentrated with vitamins/minerals, so it allows us to feed him 20-24 ounces per day (3-4 bottles) rather than the 36-40 ounces (4-5 bottles) we were before.
She also said to start more table food and to explore all options with baby food. I have to admit, I've been very conservative with his food and haven't branched out as much as I should. surprise, surprise...but I went to the grocery store yesterday and loaded up. We bought some juice to start trying sippy cups; I bought some beef and chicken and exotic fruits and berries for him to try...oh, and this morning for breakfast Robinson had his first taste of yogurt! I mixed it with some applesauce and he thought it was the best thing ever! BUT I will say, with his reflux still present (albeit very much better than before)...yogurt is some NASTY stuff coming back up...blech!
The other big news is that Dr. L said it was time for Robinson to sleep in his crib. She hasn't really pushed us to make the move until now, but she watched him at our appointment and said it is time. His growth is caught up; developmentally he's really only about a month behind now; and she looked at me and said 'you're exhausted'. So...her advice was to let him cry it out. Now, I will go on record and say that I am not a fan of cry it out- at all! But that is why she put Rian in charge of it and told me to take an ambien and go to sleep...haha. I don't know if I can do all of that, but this week we are going to try to transition him to his crib, so please say a little prayer for the little guy that he can handle it. He doesn't like being alone at all and likes to be snuggled right next to me when he sleeps, so I'm very worried that this is not going to go well. Dr. L is right, though. I'm exhausted. I took note last night and I pretty much wake up EVERY HOUR to check on him, make sure he's positioned well, etc. That is not healthy for me or for Robinson. So, hopefully this will be a somewhat smooth transition and everyone in this house can get some much needed rest!
Oh, and did I mention a tiny little detail- Robinson is crawling!!! It's not pretty and he has YET to let me get it on video...But I promise as soon as I do, I'll post away. It's like he grew up overnight!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Swine Flu- Are You Freakin Kidding Me?!?
I was so excited about May... really, I was.
I had been researching little "adventures" for Robinson and I to go on during the day. We were going to start music classes, attend story time, go the zoo in Gulf Shores, go the beach, walk by the Bay...He's getting bored at the house- and frankly, so I am. I feel like these walls are closing in on me. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am not the hermit type. I like being out- going, going, going. Our neighbors used to joke that at first he would pick up our paper on the weekends for us, but he got tired because we were gone ALL OF THE TIME. hahaha...and we were...we like to go places.
RSV season had us in hibernation. And in the past month and a half that I've been home, I've literally been out of the house about 4 times- it's unnerving. Robinson is going crazy too. I gave him a toy the other day and he looked at me and sighed like "this one again". haha. I know he needs more stimulation, but RSV season was bad this year, so we had to stay inside.
May was supposed to make it all better.
It was the light at the end of the LOOOOONG tunnel.
The swine flu had to go and screw all of that up. Before you laugh at me, no, I'm not paranoid- yet. From what I've read the swine flu is pretty much like every other strain of flu and if you don't get treatment, it can get really bad. I'm not worried about myself- my worry revolves around Robinson. This flu, just like any other flu, could be very serious for him- mostly b/c it's very hard to treat an infant for these types of illnesses and they're very hard on their respiratory system. Compound that by the fact that he is a preemie with immature lungs and yeah, it's like starting RSV season all over again.
Until this gets under control, no story times; no zoo; definitely no music classes; and it even puts a damper in church. You see, we haven't been able to go to church during RSV season and we won't be able to go until this flu gets a little more 'stable'. The problem, though, is we already have Robinson's Christening set for Mother's Day. This stresses me out. There are now 2 confirmed swine flu cases in North Alabama. Church is a dome of germs. So, we will still have his Christening, but I'm sorry to be a scrooge. Other than the minister and Rian and I- nobody at church will be able to hold him or touch him. It's too risky because I can't shower everyone with hand sanitizer. And I'm really sorry...I know a lot of people were looking forward to holding him, laughing with him, etc. But you'll have to do it from a few steps away. We simply can not take any chances- we've come too far.
So, swine flu, you have officially ruined our beginning to Spring. To everyone out there- you'll be fine, just wash your hands. I swear, if everyone in America followed the NICU guidelines for handwashing there wouldn't be such pandemics in this country. B/C let's face it...these things are passed from person to person because people are not diligent about washing their hands, and touch door knobs and sneeze in their hands and the air, etc. I wish I could pass out pamphlets on the proper way to wash hands.....and I wish I could give the swine flu the big double forearm clap like they used to on "Friends"!
Okay, so I promised pictures...and I always follow through on promises...
Remember Mr. Bear? Here is his 9 month picture
"Mom, look, no hands!"
This is an outfit his Uncle James got him and it is so cute on Robinson. He looks like a little football player.
He's getting more hair too!
I had been researching little "adventures" for Robinson and I to go on during the day. We were going to start music classes, attend story time, go the zoo in Gulf Shores, go the beach, walk by the Bay...He's getting bored at the house- and frankly, so I am. I feel like these walls are closing in on me. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am not the hermit type. I like being out- going, going, going. Our neighbors used to joke that at first he would pick up our paper on the weekends for us, but he got tired because we were gone ALL OF THE TIME. hahaha...and we were...we like to go places.
RSV season had us in hibernation. And in the past month and a half that I've been home, I've literally been out of the house about 4 times- it's unnerving. Robinson is going crazy too. I gave him a toy the other day and he looked at me and sighed like "this one again". haha. I know he needs more stimulation, but RSV season was bad this year, so we had to stay inside.
May was supposed to make it all better.
It was the light at the end of the LOOOOONG tunnel.
The swine flu had to go and screw all of that up. Before you laugh at me, no, I'm not paranoid- yet. From what I've read the swine flu is pretty much like every other strain of flu and if you don't get treatment, it can get really bad. I'm not worried about myself- my worry revolves around Robinson. This flu, just like any other flu, could be very serious for him- mostly b/c it's very hard to treat an infant for these types of illnesses and they're very hard on their respiratory system. Compound that by the fact that he is a preemie with immature lungs and yeah, it's like starting RSV season all over again.
Until this gets under control, no story times; no zoo; definitely no music classes; and it even puts a damper in church. You see, we haven't been able to go to church during RSV season and we won't be able to go until this flu gets a little more 'stable'. The problem, though, is we already have Robinson's Christening set for Mother's Day. This stresses me out. There are now 2 confirmed swine flu cases in North Alabama. Church is a dome of germs. So, we will still have his Christening, but I'm sorry to be a scrooge. Other than the minister and Rian and I- nobody at church will be able to hold him or touch him. It's too risky because I can't shower everyone with hand sanitizer. And I'm really sorry...I know a lot of people were looking forward to holding him, laughing with him, etc. But you'll have to do it from a few steps away. We simply can not take any chances- we've come too far.
So, swine flu, you have officially ruined our beginning to Spring. To everyone out there- you'll be fine, just wash your hands. I swear, if everyone in America followed the NICU guidelines for handwashing there wouldn't be such pandemics in this country. B/C let's face it...these things are passed from person to person because people are not diligent about washing their hands, and touch door knobs and sneeze in their hands and the air, etc. I wish I could pass out pamphlets on the proper way to wash hands.....and I wish I could give the swine flu the big double forearm clap like they used to on "Friends"!
Okay, so I promised pictures...and I always follow through on promises...
Remember Mr. Bear? Here is his 9 month picture
"Mom, look, no hands!"
This is the sweetest smile you will ever see...
He is getting so big
This is an outfit his Uncle James got him and it is so cute on Robinson. He looks like a little football player.
He's getting more hair too!
I got a new Cannon Rebel Camera which is soooo nice. Yet, I'm still trying to figure out all of the tricks. These next two pictures are after my first self taught lesson about how to keep the person in focus and blur the background in order to make more of a 'portrait' type picture. What do you think?
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Spring Cleaning
Tax season is over....ahhhhh. It's nice to have my husband back. And once again, I take my hat off to single mothers everywhere. It is amazing what they accomplish day in and out. I am thoroughly exhausted and can not comprehend how they manage to get it all done and still keep their sanity- truly super human!
The end of tax season not only means having Rian back at a decent hour (he worked until 3am one night- SERIOUSLY)...but it also means that it's time for Spring Cleaning. Usually this is what I do during tax season, but with the little guy, all of those tasks were put on hold until I had some help around the house. Rian actually had a wedding to attend this weekend in Birmingham for our dear friends, Nick and Julie. I was supposed to go as well, but with Robinson's severe separation anxiety (screams if I'm out of his sight for too long), we did not think that a 4 hour weekend trip was a good idea. We didn't want him being so upset and us be so far away. So, since Rian was a groomsmen, I stayed behind. I know that it was a beautiful event and Rian had a wonderful time. Nick and Julie- we wish you all the best and have a great time on your honeymoon!
Since Rian was away, my mom came to stay with me for the weekend. You are probably wondering why my parents are the go to babysitters. It's pretty simple. They spent almost as much time in the NICU with Robinson as Rian and I did...they asked the nurses questions; learned about his care; and took all of the exit classes that Rian and I were required to take- including CPR. They understand his monitor, which distress signs to look for, what to do when he gets congested, etc. In simple terms- we know that we have nothing to worry about when they are with him because they understand what to do for every situation. As we saw with our attempt at finding a nanny- even people that have a lot of baby experience, don't always know what to do with a preemie so we have to be careful about who's care Robinson is in when we are gone.
With my mom here with me, I took time to really get started on the Spring cleaning. I vacuumed, dusted, general pick up- I even dusted the base boards! One of the big accomplishments of the weekend was I cleaned out my closet. I still had a closet full of maternity clothes in there. Granted, I had still been wearing the tshirts and tank tops....I love that they have a longer length and they were comfortable. But sitting in my closet this weekend, I kept thinking to myself- these clothes bring back bad memories. You see, since having Robinson, I've read and researched A LOT on preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome...trying to find some answers. One of the topics that I always found interesting is the fact that preemie parents, it is said, need to mourn the loss of a normal pregnancy...for example, we never got to experience the 3rd trimester. So essentially, these articles discuss mourning the loss of the 3rd trimester.
I'll be honest, at first, I thought it was completely ridiculous. I felt fine. I was tired, yes, and worried about Robinson, yes. But these were the cards that I was dealt, I was going to play them. I felt fine. But I've since realized, that I was not fine. A certain beep or alarm, and my mind was back in NICU staring at the monitors, wondering what they might mean. I would see a pregnant lady on the street or in a store, and I would wonder why her body was okay with being pregnant and why mine had failed me. I would see the babies with their parents who seemed giant sized, only to realize that they were just full term babies and that's the size Robinson is supposed to be. Someone would ask us if we were going to try for another child, and suddenly my heart would race and my palms would get sweaty- b/c I am afraid of it happening all over again.
I know I don't often share my feelings, and for the most part, that's because I deal with those type of the things on my own. I've never been an overly emotional person. I'm the girl that watched "The Notebook" alone, in my apartment, and didn't shed a tear. In fact, I'd never really cried at movies....I considered myself just a very rational, analytical and logical personality.
I've changed.
And I realized that this weekend, as I sat on the floor of my closet, slowly folding some of these beautiful clothes that I never even got to wear. I am sad that I missed my 3rd trimester. I'm sad that I didn't get to have a shower where we played stupid games about how big my belly was. I'm sad that I didn't even have the chance to decide if I wanted maternity pictures- I'm even sadder that I have only a handful of pictures of when I actually was pregnant. I'm sad that we didn't have the chance to have a 4d ultrasound and try to make guesses of what who we thought Robinson was going to look like. I am sad. I was sad.
It was good to finally admit that to myself this weekend. I packed up all of the clothes and surveyed my freshly smelling, dirt and dust free house, and realized it really was a Spring cleaning. I'm admitting that there was sadness, anger and lack of understanding of why this happened to us. But this weekend was all about Spring Cleaning...cleaning out all of those old memories and fears and packing them away. It was refreshing- bring on Summer!
p.s. I apologize about the not having any pictures of our beautiful boy in this post. With tax season and Rian working such long hours, I've really slacked on the picture taking, but I promise that next week you will have see lots of photos of our handsome little man! :)
The end of tax season not only means having Rian back at a decent hour (he worked until 3am one night- SERIOUSLY)...but it also means that it's time for Spring Cleaning. Usually this is what I do during tax season, but with the little guy, all of those tasks were put on hold until I had some help around the house. Rian actually had a wedding to attend this weekend in Birmingham for our dear friends, Nick and Julie. I was supposed to go as well, but with Robinson's severe separation anxiety (screams if I'm out of his sight for too long), we did not think that a 4 hour weekend trip was a good idea. We didn't want him being so upset and us be so far away. So, since Rian was a groomsmen, I stayed behind. I know that it was a beautiful event and Rian had a wonderful time. Nick and Julie- we wish you all the best and have a great time on your honeymoon!
Since Rian was away, my mom came to stay with me for the weekend. You are probably wondering why my parents are the go to babysitters. It's pretty simple. They spent almost as much time in the NICU with Robinson as Rian and I did...they asked the nurses questions; learned about his care; and took all of the exit classes that Rian and I were required to take- including CPR. They understand his monitor, which distress signs to look for, what to do when he gets congested, etc. In simple terms- we know that we have nothing to worry about when they are with him because they understand what to do for every situation. As we saw with our attempt at finding a nanny- even people that have a lot of baby experience, don't always know what to do with a preemie so we have to be careful about who's care Robinson is in when we are gone.
With my mom here with me, I took time to really get started on the Spring cleaning. I vacuumed, dusted, general pick up- I even dusted the base boards! One of the big accomplishments of the weekend was I cleaned out my closet. I still had a closet full of maternity clothes in there. Granted, I had still been wearing the tshirts and tank tops....I love that they have a longer length and they were comfortable. But sitting in my closet this weekend, I kept thinking to myself- these clothes bring back bad memories. You see, since having Robinson, I've read and researched A LOT on preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome...trying to find some answers. One of the topics that I always found interesting is the fact that preemie parents, it is said, need to mourn the loss of a normal pregnancy...for example, we never got to experience the 3rd trimester. So essentially, these articles discuss mourning the loss of the 3rd trimester.
I'll be honest, at first, I thought it was completely ridiculous. I felt fine. I was tired, yes, and worried about Robinson, yes. But these were the cards that I was dealt, I was going to play them. I felt fine. But I've since realized, that I was not fine. A certain beep or alarm, and my mind was back in NICU staring at the monitors, wondering what they might mean. I would see a pregnant lady on the street or in a store, and I would wonder why her body was okay with being pregnant and why mine had failed me. I would see the babies with their parents who seemed giant sized, only to realize that they were just full term babies and that's the size Robinson is supposed to be. Someone would ask us if we were going to try for another child, and suddenly my heart would race and my palms would get sweaty- b/c I am afraid of it happening all over again.
I know I don't often share my feelings, and for the most part, that's because I deal with those type of the things on my own. I've never been an overly emotional person. I'm the girl that watched "The Notebook" alone, in my apartment, and didn't shed a tear. In fact, I'd never really cried at movies....I considered myself just a very rational, analytical and logical personality.
I've changed.
And I realized that this weekend, as I sat on the floor of my closet, slowly folding some of these beautiful clothes that I never even got to wear. I am sad that I missed my 3rd trimester. I'm sad that I didn't get to have a shower where we played stupid games about how big my belly was. I'm sad that I didn't even have the chance to decide if I wanted maternity pictures- I'm even sadder that I have only a handful of pictures of when I actually was pregnant. I'm sad that we didn't have the chance to have a 4d ultrasound and try to make guesses of what who we thought Robinson was going to look like. I am sad. I was sad.
It was good to finally admit that to myself this weekend. I packed up all of the clothes and surveyed my freshly smelling, dirt and dust free house, and realized it really was a Spring cleaning. I'm admitting that there was sadness, anger and lack of understanding of why this happened to us. But this weekend was all about Spring Cleaning...cleaning out all of those old memories and fears and packing them away. It was refreshing- bring on Summer!
p.s. I apologize about the not having any pictures of our beautiful boy in this post. With tax season and Rian working such long hours, I've really slacked on the picture taking, but I promise that next week you will have see lots of photos of our handsome little man! :)
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
My Sweet Boy
I know now how every mother of a little boy must feel when she hears those words, "Mom, I'd like you to meet ____". Robinson is 9 months old and I'm already dreading it, because to me, he will always be my little boy.
He will forever be the little boy that loves watching The Backyardigans, but has to have me sitting beside him so that he can hold my hand.
He will forever be the little boy that however much Rian tries to get him to sleep beside him at night, he awalys inches his way back over to me and has to have his hand on my chest so that he feels my heartbeat.
He will forever be my little man and I know it will break my heart the day that I realize that someone else is his #1. So, I'll soak in every day with my snuggle bunny and cherish these days, but I know, deep down, that I will always see him as my sweet, sensitive little boy who loves his Momma so.
Some Sadness...
He will forever be the little boy that when he wakes up from a nap, looks at me with those huge baby blues and gets the biggest smile on his face as if to say, "ah, you're still here".
He will forever be the little boy that however much Rian tries to get him to sleep beside him at night, he awalys inches his way back over to me and has to have his hand on my chest so that he feels my heartbeat.
He will forever be my little man and I know it will break my heart the day that I realize that someone else is his #1. So, I'll soak in every day with my snuggle bunny and cherish these days, but I know, deep down, that I will always see him as my sweet, sensitive little boy who loves his Momma so.
Some Sadness...
Please keep The Spohr Family in your prayers and thoughts today as they attend the funeral service for their beautiful daughter, Madeline. They lost Maddie very unexpectedly last week. It was just a little cough and some congestion- she was 17 months old.
If you ever have to wonder why I'm such a germaphobe or a little bit neurotic, it is because this is my worst nightmare. Preemies are so fragile. You are supposed to feel like you can breathe a little easier once they hit that year milestone, but that's not always the case. I can not even begin to imagine the pain and emptiness this family must be feeling. A fellow preemie mom directed me to their blog, and I am just truly hurting for them. I know God has His reasons, and I respect that, but sometimes, it's really hard to understand how events such as this can happen.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Reunion Weekend at Old HC
We made it to April- yay! We are still 'technically' in RSV season, but we are at the end. Robinson will get 1 more RSV shot at the end of this month, and then we will be done until next season. Robinson's pediatrician said that we could start venturing out with Robinson this month, with obvious precautions. I asked her about Reunion Weekend at mine and Rian's alma mater, Huntingdon College. She said that it would be a great idea to take him, b/c 1. it is not a long car ride (2.5 hours) and we could see how he handled road trips and 2. the events are ALL outside, so I could keep Robinson in the stroller and limit his exposure to other people. Plus, Rian is in tax season and really needed some time to work. So, my parents and I loaded up and headed to HC this past weekend.
The trip was a great success. It was a beautiful weekend, we got to see my brothers and sister in law. Overall, Robinson was a GREAT baby. He loved being outside once his eyes adjusted to the sunlight and loved being strolled around on the campus. Granted, he would have preferred to be out of the stroller and walking around, but I was still a complete germaphobe and wanted to be careful. I have to say a special thank you to all of my friends that we saw. EVERYONE was so respectful of Robinson and his situation...no one asked to hold him, no one even touched him and they all kept their children at least a foot's distance from him and wouldn't let them touch him. I was so grateful to them that they understood our situation and how it was so important to keep Robinson healthy. We did find out that about 1.5 hours is Robinson's limit in the carseat. He HATES being in there, so I do not foresee any long road trips in our future!
And, because I know all of you are wondering, what does the end of RSV season mean and what can or can't Robinson do??
1. If you or anybody in your household is sick, he still can not be around you. If there is a family function, please let us know of any illness, so that we can know not to attend.
2. It is still imperative that you wash/sanitize your hands before touching Robinson or any of his toys.
3. We are going to be very cautious about holding Robinson...we aren't just going to let him be passed from person to person. We will let you hold him, as long as you are healthy, and have sanitized your hands. But in large gatherings, we will limit how many times he gets passed around- it can be very overwhelming for him. And we agree that it is not a good idea for children to hold him at all right now. Unfortunately, children are full of germs and you never know what he can pick up.
Again, we aren't saying this to be mean or to keep Robinson hidden. We will be attending family and friend functions (as long as no one is sick) and we will be going for walks in the park, etc. But we need you to understand that Robinson is still a preemie and is still VERY small for his age. Although, the risk of RSV has fallen, any kind of sickness could land him in the hospital- especially a stomach virus. He can get dehydrated very easily. I know that not everyone fully 'gets' what having a premature baby means and what their limits are- I know that both Rian and I had absolutely NO idea before Robinson was here. It has been a long educational journey for us and we continue to learn new things/limitations/challenges every day. So, we do understand that this is hard for all of you and you may think we are being silly, especially if you've never known a preemie. But Robinson's health is our #1 priority, and we will do everything to continue to keep him well. :)
More pictures from the weekend...
Rachelle, Josh, me, and James in front of Bellingrath
Swinging with Mommy on The Green
Josh and Rachelle with Robinson- and yes, I carried a miniature bottle of hand sanitizer with me all day so that everyone who held/touched Robinson would be clean. ;-)
James and Robinson...it was a beautiful day and don't you love that little smile!
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